my pesto looks like baby barf

Disclaimer: a food blog this ain’t, but I do make damn fine pesto…even if it does resemble baby barf.

The trick is real parm, baby.

Another trick? Heat. Cayennes from the garden.

Yeah, no mortar and pestle. Deal with it.

I did NOT, by the way, purchase these “extra fancy” pine nuts at the grocery store –


You can buy a 1 lb. bag of pine nuts at TJs for like, 5 bucks people. Don’t get taken.

And voila.

See the wine? That’s not an accident. It is an absolutely essential ingredient for this meal of food.

Yeah. I’m the “chef” the Cooking Asshole warned you about.

The End.


12 thoughts on “my pesto looks like baby barf

  1. I have a question…will the pesto turn black? I know basil leaves are quite sensitive and turn black in a short while. I’ll have to remember to add heat–think serranos would work? I don’t have anything else with heat in my garden.

    • I don’t think so…last year, right before the first freeze we picked all the basil we had left, made a giant vat of pesto and froze it in batches. Then I’d just reheat portions in a saucepan. It’s not AS good as fresh obviously but it was still good. I think any hot pepper would work – I can’t tell the difference. Cayennes are supposedly hotter than serranos but some of ours were not hot at all. I think it depends on how long you let them ripen too. I’m not a chef but I play one on my blog. LOLZERS. Can’t wait to see you in a couple weeks!

  2. I just got really jealous because I used to live by a TJ’s and don’t anymore. Seriously, how does TJ’s manage to be such a good freaking deal compared to everywhere else? Maybe next time I’ll pay attention to all 27 of those colorful explanatory signs they have behind the registers.

  3. mmmmm, pesto… i will have to try it your way some time cause mine looks like clumpy green paste with bits of almond brown speckled like a reversed corn poop (bad image, but we are talking about baby nastiness anyways… do u moderate?) 🙂 anyways… keep up the humor!

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