And now, the top 10 differences between Germany and the United States.
10. Cold beer is everywhere. Here in Indiana, you can’t even buy cold beer at the grocery store. In theory, this forces alcoholics to wait approximately 20 minutes while their beer chills before they start drinking again, thus preventing countless accidents and deaths. (I mean, we all know alcoholics are too high-brow to drink warm beer, amirite?)
In Germany, you can buy cold beer at a gift shop and you can drink it outside of a police station (but you probably don’t want to hang around too long).
I know you think I’m about to segue into a discussion about how Europe’s a utopian society free of alcoholism, but I’m not. They have just as many sloppy drunks as America, they just don’t have any false notions about preventing it with stupid laws.
9. You can take your dog anywhere.
At first, I thought there were just a buttload of blind people in Germany until I realized they were all staring back.
We saw dogs in offices, dogs in restaurants, and even dogs at Saturn Electronics (Europe’s answer to Best Buy). I think in America there’s some kind of health code against that, but in Europe they’re fine with it. And so am I.
8. Everybody smokes. BUT it’s getting better — you can no longer smoke inside most restaurants (just bars), and the airports now have designated areas; Camel Zones, they call them in Munich (last time, you could just light up in the terminal).
But still, everybody smokes. Any time you walk into a building, you get to wade through a wall of smoke. And when you’re hungover at 7 a.m. and trying not to do voms all over the train station, that’s a pretty big deal.
7. They have castles.
Like, a lot of them.
6. FREE NEEDLE EXCHANGE!
5. Funky bathrooms. They might be smaller, but they’re so vogue. The toilet flushers are these big plastic buttons and the water whisks your turds away with only the finest in German engineering.
Check out Sven’s bathroom (click to enlarge):
He had a urinal installed. How many of you can say that?! Almost makes me wish I was a dude.
In Munich however, that bathrooms were not so much vogue as just plain weird…
This is something we like to call the Munich Ledge:
Nearly every toilet in Munich has this awkward ledge where your doody sits before you flush it away. The only thing we can figure is that the ledge is somehow a water-saving feature.
4. Beds. Each person in the bed gets their own comforter. Amazing.
Even our buddies Lars and Sonja (and also Sven “I have my own urinal” Wernicke), maintain a strict one-comforter-per-person policy, which works out rather well if your spouse is a “night thrasher.” I think this is why the divorce rate is lower in Europe*
3. They’re seriously lacking in the ice and water department. After eight hours on a plane, all you want is a nice, tall refreshing glass of water. You get? Mineral. No ice. Even in restaurants, if you order water you have to pay for it. Some really nice places will bring you a little water with your actual drink. But it’s like, a shot of water. A tease.
We’re told the reason for this is that when you got to a restaurant you should treat yourself to a real beverage and save the water-drinking for your home.
I can probably get on board with this as long as I’m still allowed to keep my bottle of tap water with me at all times.
2. NUTELLA EVERYTHING. Nutella ice cream. Nutella yogurt. The possibilities are endless. Come on, U.S.A., get your act together and start utilizing Nutella. I mean it.
1. Meat group! (20,000 points if you get that reference.)
I still haven’t been able to figure out why nobody is fat there, with all this tasty food and beer. Magic? Oh wait, it’s probably all the cigarettes and intravenous drugs…
Bonus item: Reeperbahn!
Where the Beatles got their start, prostitution is legal and the beer flows like…well, beer.
Tomorrow: Gröninger!
*I made up that divorce part but the rest is true.
Wow, that was some terrific analysis! I like the beer references the most. However, #6 Free Needle Exchange, was a close second, mainly because you didn’t feel the need for any explanation.
Looks like you guys had a great time.
That doesn’t surprise me! I haven’t done all the beer full justice yet. Wait for it!
Thank you for the smiles on this dreary Wednesday morning. You’re hilarious!
That sounds wonderful! Ugh I totally know what you mean about the smoking though. When I walked out of my hotel Saturday morning, someone was smoking and I literally almost threw up all over them.
Would love to see someone do that though!HEE!
Love this post! My son is stationed in Germany so this was like a window into his world. Keep it up!
http://angnic.wordpress.com/
We appreciate his service! Thanks for reading. 🙂
my mother is stationed in germany, and she has “reaped the benefits” of socialized health care – you might want to look into it. castles are pretty but their hospitals are something they should be ashamed of. unless, of course, you have money and/or are an american.
Sounds like she had a tough time. Our friend went though some very serious medical problems in Germany and had nothing but praise for their healthcare system. They lived on a single income for several years while he was recovering and now he’s back at work. I appreciate your input, thanks for reading.
Haha, awesome! Really enjoyed reading this. Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed! 😀
Love the castle shots. Cheers!
I always wanted to go to Germany – especially for the castles. I’ve also heard it’s VERY clean. AND I love a Top 10 list!
Congrats on being Fresh Pressed!
It is very clean, that should have been #11!
great post, was really clever! all that talk about beer is making me thirsty!!
ROFLMFAO!!!
The bathroom part was the best!
And the picture with the “tiny water” and “tease” had me rolling!
England has the most alcoholics I believe and there’s a pub on every corner I think. They have lots of castles too. Funny how the two countries have so much in common but hate eachother immensely!
This was hysterically funny! I have to tweet this!
Hee hee, thanks!!
Thank you! Had me laughing so much especially the munich ledge! Had an experience with that too in Austria 🙂
Great post! Makes me want to board a plane to Germany ASAP! Congrats on being freshly pressed!
I was in Lubeck and the Starbucks had a smoking section. It was separated from the non-smoking section by a fake plant.
HA!! The fake plant is an impenetrable fortress against cigarette smoke!
beeerrrrrrrr
Awesome list! I’ve concluded:
1. Germans are very water-concious (drinking and bathroom-wise)
2. Nutella gets the attention it deserves.
3. Dogs get the attention they deserve
4. Germans are very smart to implement a to-each-his-own comforter policy. I’ve slept with a blanket-hog, and it’s no fun.
Agreed!
I can’t believe those little smoker caves they put in the airports. Wow.
And the toilets with the ledge . . . that is strange.
Great post.
This is such a fun list! I think it’s humourous that everyone gets their own comforter…but I can see how it might help. You may have made up the divorce stat, but I can’t see it being very far from the truth…hehe…
Nutella’s big here in Mexico, too. I think I’d lose my sanity without it.
Cool post! I like the pictures and the humor. And I think that doodie ledge in the toilet is a pro-gravity feature so that only one, slick hydroplane will whisk away even the most solid of deposits. Surely, there’s an interesting physics forumulation in there somewhere.
brilliant! German engineering, I tell you.
Thanks for the laugh! I’ve never been to Germany but now that I know they have endless supplies of meat, turd ledges & free needle exchanges…I’m definitely booking a trip STAT.
http://www.notcomplicated.wordpress.com
Awesome post. I lol’d all the way through. Those toilets are repulsive hilarity. NUTELLA!!!!
OK, so America needs more castles and to discover the awesomeness of Nutella besides the big jar in my cabinet that is almost empty. When you get back, you need to cross the stateline to Illinois. We have cold beer in coolers and sell it on Sundays.
no doubt! My husband’s from Wheaton so we get back a few times a year. Love Two Brothers and Goose Island!
Here in Seattle, people take their pets everywhere, too. It doesn’t seem to be AS extreme as you make it sound in Germany, and we have the same “service animals only” laws as the rest/most of the US, but that brings up the discussion of the validity of the “comfort animal,” where a person argues that they need their cat or ferret in the grocery store because their “comfort” is at stake. And of course you’re heartless if you try to call that out as BS, because, really, you don’t know anything about their condition . . .
Great list!
http://bradenbost.wordpress.com
I think Seattle’s leaps and bounds ahead of Indiana in more ways than one! Thanks for reading. 🙂
What a great post! I love reading about different places other than my little bubble here in the US.
The toilet thing? Weird. But I guess not as weird as Asia where they have little water squirters to clean your junk after you use the bathroom.
I’m fine with just toilet paper, thanks.
Haha! I really enjoyed your list! My favorites…bringing your dog everywhere and nutella probably because the are two of my most favorite things in the world.
Great list. I love it! Castles are the coolest.
Ewww toilet ledge! Everything else is interesting! Germany sounds like fun! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Yuck on needle exchange, how different, huh?!
evelyngarone.com
Definitely different, but I get the philosophy. Some would see it as condoning drug use but it helps prevent the spread of disease.
Thanks for reading!
Haha brilliant stuff. I think you should make it your lifes mission to do this for all the other countries. Thanks!
http://www.meandmybiro.wordpress.com
Love this and you made me miss Germany so much!! Nutella is catching on some in the United States. That stuff if unbelievably delicious. I could put Nutella on anything. Try it in between to thin pancakes in the morning … a little piece of heaven. Another thing to add to your list? Brochen. This German bread is ridiculously good and widely available in Germany. It’s hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Load it up with some Nutella for breakfast or some meat and make a sandwich at lunch. Have it with some butter at dinner. Why doesn’t the US have a bread to call our own? And if you tell me ours is Wonder Bread, I may move back to Germany right now…
I didn’t remember the comforter issue, but that’s a good point too! I HATE sharing blankets!
http://simplysolo.wordpress.com
ha ha! Excellent. I had a good laugh reading your post. Keep up the good work!
http://wonderfulwandering.wordpress.com/
Awesome post! Keep at it! Any cool chicks in Germany we should perhaps profile for IWMag? Better yet, any uber cool eco-friendly shops, products you might have come across?
hey! – Actually we went in this awesome bath/body store called LUSH – all handmade natural soaps, lotions and cosmetics. It.is.awesome! http://www.lush.com/
Wow didn’t know that about Germany, that’s pretty cool. Did you know that Germany was also the first to decorate an evergreen tree during the Christmas holiday? Any they were the first to create an artificial Christmas tree with the use of goose feathers that were died green!
Anyway definitely got a good laugh out of your post!
Wow, Reeperbahn! I love Beatles 🙂
Love this whole post.
I’m going out Bed, Bath & Beyond today to buy a second comforter for the bed – I share it with a dude who often makes himself into a burrito over the course of the night. Separate comforters? That is just pure brilliance. Thanks, Germany.
Everybody loves good top ten lists, yours was pretty entertaining!
I would love to have Nutella all around the Philippines! 😉
http://hollywoodremedy.wordpress.com
I lived in Germany for 8 years – 8yo to 16 – and I LOVE your top 10! Ahhh, I miss Germany – drinking at 14 and the Export beer!
aw thanks, I want to live there! Our friend Sonja first came to the US when she was 18 and she was shocked she wasn’t allowed to have a beer. 🙂
Fun list. I had no idea about the dogs though.
This should just be part of Germany’s ad campaign for tourism.
“Cold Beer is EVERYWHERE”
“You can take your dog ANYWHERE”
Once I learned that there was cold beer and dogs all over the place, I thought about booking a flight immediately. Wonderland.
Damn, I could have seen cool shit if you’d let me out of your suitcase!
no joke – I’m still scraping all the dried turds outta there.
haha I have only been to Baden-baden, but I loved Germany. This makes me want to travel there again, and see a few cities.
Very funny! The pics are great, too
OMG i LOVE LOVE LOVE nutella …
and i want to see the castles in Germany, ugh look gorgeous SO JEALOUS!
Nice writing, it’s always fun to read what Americans think of Europe. Even more when they know that Europe is not a country… 😛
I think only people who’ve never been there don’t know the difference. And Miss South Carolina.
After all some of us out there don’t have maps?
The castles look amazing. Seriously. That’s one thing I would want to see for sure if I go there… well that and I heart nutella. That alone should justify the plane ticket.
If you eat enough Nutella it pays for itself!
Hilar!! I’ve been to Germany and you are right on! Nutella, free-flowing beer, and separate comforters…what’s not to love?
I love a good list and I love this post!!! A really great read. Really want to go to germany now 🙂
http://sylviangirl.wordpress.com/
Smile 🙂
http://ninjawiththeorangetshirt.wordpress.com/
Thanks for the laughs! Love the Camel Zones. America should totally adopt those everywhere!
“At first, I thought there were just a buttload of blind people in Germany until I realized they were all staring back.” So, funny! That one made me laugh out loud.
I’m gonna take a guess on that “Munich ledge” and say it’s to cut down on the “backspash” factor… Sorry, but, hey, you all know what I’m talking about. Don’t try to act like that is something you’ve never experienced!
Germany does sound pretty awesome…you’ve sold me! LOL
The toilet ledge business is to do with diagnosing your state of health by poking around in your poo. Grim, I know, but that”s those Germanic types for you.
love this!
Well, you could come to France for the castles, nutella and dogs anywhere and everywhere. I was always amazed when I moved here from the U.K. that at all outdoor events where they sell food, there is always a catering sized tub of nutella ready to smear on your crepes. Also amazed to see dogs in butcher shops, restaurants, etc. sometimes unaccompanied. However, wine is more free flowing than beer and, since the smoking ban, you are forced to become part of the pavement cafe culture if you want a gauloise. Plus, I don’t believe I’ve seen a ledge in the loo or separate comforters – still you can’t have everything.
It’s true, I do love a good top-ten list — and this was very well-done! Educational, cultural, entertaining… goodness, that’s great.
In Indonesia do not cold beer, but ice tea…mmm fresh!
Congratulations, great post! I’m from Mexico City and now I live there after a couple of years living in Eastern Europe; your top ten list along with your pictures made me want to go back!
Cheers
Great post! Really enjoyed the read and the toilet part made me laugh!
Holy Hamburg!!!! That is a lot of comments.
We called the part of the toilet the “viewing platform.”
LOL. THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS!!! AWESOME!!!
Nice blog you have here, I like the sub header! Do your drinking affect your running? You know that the new law says drinking while running (DWR) is an offense. LOL
Great top 10 very creative and funny. I loved the pictures of the castles. I am not a beer drinker but I hear they have great wine thats my favorite german wine LOL. Maybe some day I will make it over there.
It is really refreshing that someone goes to Germany and really appreciates the flavor of the country. I enjoyed lite flavors, darker hops brews and just about anything else you can imagine. I used to down a couple of pints and run 10 miles. Now I just down the pints and the only running is to the lieu. Great blog – keep up the good work!
🙂
YEAH NUTELLA!
If there’s anything I like more than drinking in public, it’s castles. I wonder if drinking in public includes actually drinking IN the castles. I’d be all over that.
Love the post. Your witty writing style is complimented by your practicality when it comes to comforters. I can dig that.
http://whatacraftybitch.wordpress.com/
Your blog title had me at hello, such a great post 🙂
Congrats on being Freshly pressed.
Top Ten Lists are always awesome and yours was hilarious
Awesome! I had a nice time laughing, you really cheered my day 😀
Oh.. And encouraged me to visit Germany.
hello from germany!
great post, really. i love it.
well, the german have one bad thing: moaning! about everything and everybody. but at the end i have to give that germany is a good country there to live. i ‘m happy to live here with a healthsystem, good education and many others.
sincerely rolf from wesel near dusseldorf
Thanks for reading, Freund!
Prost!
Never been to Germany, but I have heard so many great things about it. Those toilets are so weird! I like the Munich Ledge name, haha. That’s funny!
I can’t remember if you’ve been freshly pressed before, or whether I had just stumbled upon your blog – but either way, congrats!
Very interesting stuff, been reading for a while now and it’s always good.
B
http://ishotthepilot.wordpress.com
Good to hear from you, thanks for reading!
AWESOME! It is true about the cold beer everywhere ahah! I love Germany. Keep up the good running 🙂 God bless!
i read this since it was featured as freshly pressed, and very much so enjoyed it. my family is from germany/austria/yugoslavia and this just made me want to visit even more (since ive never been)! the nutella mention made me drool…(try it on smores instead of regular chocolate!)
ps. ENCINO MAN!!!
Woot! You win at life. We’re actually going camping this weekend so I’ll have to give that a try! Thanks for reading. 🙂
This is awesome. As if I didn’t want to go to Germany before, now I want to become a citizen. LOL
Japan is even better than Germany!
Japan has beer vending machines.
(I was surprised the last time I visited Florida that the stores stopped selling beer at midnight:
http://tokyo5.wordpress.com/2008/06/02/random/ )
And Japan’s toilets are high-tech with buttons for seat warmers and a bidet.
I’ve heard about those warm seats – I’d love to go there someday!
Good post, but did you really think ‘stracciatella’ comes from Nutella?
That’s what our friends told us, and it sure tasted that way.
i like nutella
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I remember that toilet ledge! It always freaked me out when I was in vienna last year
Nice post!!
I am so lucky!!
I am Dutch, living in France … here we have castles, beer and wine all over the place. And here in France you may eat your croissant on the terrace, which you have bought earlier in the bakery 😉
castles was the coolest. The toilet picture… somewhat gross.
Straight from the horse’s mouth: Had idiotic conversation with some English guy about the merits of WARM beer. My son (50/50 German English) wears T-shirt: “Freibier fuer alle sonst gibt es Krawalle.” But then he is into the group TANKARD too (how timely for the Oktoberfest). Am most gratified that motherland’s values have rubbed off on Apple of my Eye.
As to the toilet ledge: A couple of your other commentators are spot on – as it were. What do you expect from a nation anxious about their blood pressure (125/70) and, during your average coffee and cake afternoon, discussing their “Kreislauf”. English people don’t have a Kreislauf; they just hope that the motor keeps working at pulsating all that blood round your body lest you die.
Back to motions: Since your current health is reflected in your bowel movement you might as well be given a chance to inspect it for whatever you are looking for. The English – always in denial as to bodily functions – don’t like intro/extraspection. If I were so inclined – and if years of living in England had not corrupted me – I’d now launch into the statistics of bowel cancer per square mile capita in England vs Germany – or France come to think of it.
As to Germans’ obsession with cleanliness: There is no getting away from prejudice. Which is one of the reasons I always keep one of the rooms in the house in complete disarray. Works wonders to dispel misconceptions.
And what of the joys of the German Autobahn? Talk about horsepower and letting go of the leash. Love it.
Hamburg is great. Have you been to Berlin?
U
bahaha!! Clever, you! Thanks so much for chiming in, I enjoyed reading your response immensely. Cheers!
hi, i am from germany, enjoyed your list a lot. and, i think it is very well chosen 🙂 … i would add “we are allowed to and do drive our cars on the autobahn as fast as the cars can run” to round off the picture …
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I just feel like I have a tour around Germany with this top 10 list. Would it be ok to make it top 20 next time? I really learned a lot from this post.
Nice post! It’s funny. I like your subtle humour!
Really funny stuff. Personally, I would like the ledge. A better platform for evaluation and admiration. Okay, that probably could have gone unsaid.
Skimming down the comments I saw beer vending machines?! Imagine how frustrating that would be when it kept spitting your bills back out because they were too wrinkled.
Look forward to reading more. I’m signing up.
Chase McFadden
“Some Species Eat Their Young”
http://somespecieseattheiryoung.com
Hey, thanks! And one of my grosser friends also called it a viewing platform so you’re not alone.
LOVE the name of your blog – I’m checking you out right now!
>Skimming down the comments I saw beer vending machines?! Imagine how frustrating that would be when it kept spitting your bills back out because they were too wrinkled.
That was my comment above. Those machines are in Japan.
And Japanese vending machines actually work properly…no worries about bills being “spit back out”. (Anyways, Japanese money doesn’t get wrinkled like U.S. bills do). 😉
Wow. Just when you think the world as we know it can’t get any better. Is there was a peanut vending machine attached, I’d probably move right now.
LOL – how do we expect to achieve health care reform when we can’t even produce a decently non-wrinkled dollar bill. DAP! Thanks for the laughs you two –
hi i think your analysis is whack
holla!
hahaha omg I love your blind dog story best of all. Props to you by the way, for making wordpress’s cover! Woot Woot!
great blog
Oh, and congrats on Freshly Pressed. Well done.
Thank you for the morning chuckle. It was a nice posting to start my day with!
I LOVE this post! So true!
Excellent list! It is funny because it’s true
We called the “Munich Ledge” the poop shelf. A friend of mine who married a German and now lives there told me that it is for studying your poop and thus analizing your general health. We lived in Germany for four years and everything you wrote is pretty accurate. Gave me a good chuckle. 🙂
heh, thanks! I tend to make generalizations and exaggerations, so I appreciate the feedback! I’d love to visit Germany – and all of Europe – more often.
Love the one per comforter idea. It just makes sense, you know?
Yup- all excellent points – love your list- and am so jealous! I have to wait one more year til we return. After our first trip over, we implemented the 2 comforter rule at home. It could be a marriage saver if there was some way to take care of the snoring…
BTW, my Top 10 Fun Facts about Europe is my most popular post and you already have 125 comments on this one! Be prepared for it to be hit on for a long time!
Excellent! Gonna check yours out right now…I already wanna go back but its going to be a while before we can afford it again.
Thanks for the comment, Marie! 🙂
Loving your blog and the hilarious top-ten list! Germany is awesome, wish we could have spent longer there.
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Great list. In Britain we have similar stuff, but Germany is awesome in its uniqueness!
P.S. I got the reference…Encino Man!
heh, rock! I’ve never been there but I’d love to visit. My ancestors, the pilgrims came from there. 😉
Everyone DOES love top 10 lists. I just posted a top 20 entry myself! My friends and I are on a mission to travel to as many places and have as many new experiences as possible before we graduate college, and my boyfriend and his friend are taking a trip to Gemany this winter. Definitely sending this to him!
The own comforter thing… inspired! Curse the Germans for coming up with it first!