Orange Chicken of Satan

I needed to throw together something resembling a blog post tonight, and I realized it’s been a while since I did one those Food For Real People posts you love so much. (Or have never heard of. Either way.)

So here’s an extra special installment for you: Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken — so good, it could only come from the Dark Prince of the Underworld himself.

This is the easiest thing in the world to make, and if you’ve never had it, you officially have a(nother) reason to love me forever.

  • Preheat your oven to 400°F.
  • Empty the frozen chicken out of the bag and put it on a baking sheet.
  • Take the sauce packs out. Empty them into something and heat them up until they’re hot. Not boiling hot, just food hot.
  • Cook the chicken until it’s done.
  • If you’re feeling fancy, boil some rice or steam some broccoli. (You can handle that, can’t you?)
  • Stir sauce in with chicken and nom away.


Okay, it’s not that ridiculously unhealthy. If you eat the recommended portion (like anyone does), it’s 230 calories. Naturally I inhaled half the bag myself. Then I carefully collected what was left of the sauce and mainlined it.

I’m thinking a double-portion of TJ’s Orange Chicken should probably be the main dish appetizer at Unhealthy Living Summit ’11 (mainlining optional). Thoughts?

Now go run five miles, fatty.

Read other installments of Food for real people.


7 thoughts on “Orange Chicken of Satan

  1. Confession: when I read this I was pronouncing Satan in my head as “Suh-TAHN” because I was thinking Asian food… “suh-TAHN” being some unknown (to me) Asian city. I had to sit there and puzzle for several moments over what you meant by it coming from the Dark Prince of the Underworld.

    This chicken dish fulfills what I believe should be a major ULS tenet: the broccoli cancels out the fried part, and thus, the unenlightened and irreverent among us may feast freely. It also fulfills another ideal ULS situation of every meal containing something fried.

  2. Pingback: Pace courting | eat, drink, run

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