how to make a man salad

I don’t usually take pictures of my food. I used to, back in the day. But then I realized that taking pictures of beer is way more interesting, and less weird.

Seriously. Telling someone you take pictures of everything you eat will most certainly get you that sympathetic head-tilt as the person you are speaking with realizes you have some serious issues.

But telling someone you blog about beer prompts a story about how they have this rad microbrewery in the town where they grew up. (Or how they barfed after drinking 16 Blue Moons at their cousin’s wedding. But usually it’s the former.)

But yesterday, I created such a masterpiece, I just had to share it with you people.

Don’t you hate it when you see a picture of someone’s salad and it has like, four pieces of lettuce, a baby carrot, a little drizzle of oil and a tomato wedge? Me too.

Forgive me for ripping off the worst movie ever, but: that’s not a salad.

This? Is a salad:

See how you can barely detect any lettuce? That’s on purpose. Rule #1: Use as little lettuce as possible.

Rule #2: Dressing. You should be able to stand a fork up in it. I like a combination of hummus and sriracha sauce.

Next, check out the chunks of meat on top, which brings us to rule #3: Burger should be one of your toppings. This time, I cheated and used a chipotle veggie patty, but real cow burger meat is always best.

Rule #4: Side items should include anything that wouldn’t logistically fit on of your salad, like bread.

Or meat balls.

And most importantly, rule #5: a lady always leaves a little something uneaten on her plate:

Read other installments of Food For Real People.

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20 thoughts on “how to make a man salad

  1. that is a work of art. I think the more stuff you can load onto a salad, the better it tastes.

    I have had a similar experience with Blue Moon that you mention above, actually, and still can’t drink the stuff…

  2. “garbage” salad, pasta, whatever…is always the most delicious thing you make all week and then leftovers = kaput!

    them’s edamame, right? yeahhhhhhh.

  3. i hate lettuce. hate hate hate it. romaine is ok, but growing up with white trash iceberg ruined me on the stuff. i go with spinach or mixed greens most of the time and its AWESOME.

    nuts and seeds are fun in salads too. huh nuts.

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