quick guide to common personality flaws

In yoga last night, our instructor (or is there some special term for that person? Practitioner? Yogi?) told us during our special meditation time to think about diversity and how everyone is special in their own way, yet we all have the same wants, needs and desires; and we are all connected.

It made me want to reconsider some of the harsh judgments I often make about people.

JUST KIDDING!

But it is important to understand why people act the way they do, so here’s the breakdown.*

Flaw #1: Self-absorption

The cause: Low self-esteem. In the same way that small men drive around in big trucks, people who talk about themselves all the time are trying to compensate. Deep down inside, they are sad, sad little velveteen rabbits crying out for somebody to love them enough to turn them into real bunnies. Of course, no one will ever truly love these people because they are horrible to be around.

Flaw #2: Unbridled enthusiasm

The cause: Bipolar disorder. People who seem blissfully happy all the time are on medication. Or, they are off their medication and it’s just a matter of time before they go manic.

Flaw #3: Newlyweds (related: the engaged; new moms)

The cause: The delusion that somehow they are the only ones on earth to get married, ever. There’s no cure for newlyweds except time; simply avoid these people as much as possible. (Bonus PSA: keep in mind if you’re focusing wholly on the reception rather than the vows, there’s a good chance your marriage won’t last.)

Flaw #4: Childish behavior

The cause: These people were unfairly robbed of their childhood. They feel compelled to act foolish and needy in order to make up for lost time. Symptoms include pretending to still like children’s books, movies, toys and clothing. It’s incredibly annoying, but keep in mind these people were likely locked in closets or basements for the majority of their formative years, so you might want to cut them some slack.

Flaw #5: Food blogger

The cause: Eating disorder.

Flaw #6: Uncontrollable rage

The cause: You, probably. There’s nothing wrong with us. It’s your fault somehow and you should probably try a little harder to understand what we’re going through. We’re all connected, remember?

fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.com




*I’m not an analyst or therapist or analrapist. I failed freshman psych. If you take anything I say seriously, the joke’s on you.



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28 thoughts on “quick guide to common personality flaws

  1. I think you missed an obvious one. The alcoholic that justifies it with an exaggeration of physical activity. We both know people like that right?

  2. I love #3… or as Bridget Jones would call them “Smug Married Peoples”. I hate them…they are the ones that post on each other’s FB walls “I love you baby” and their status is often “I have the best ____ in the whole world! My life is so blessed!”

    Blargh!!! Hand me another beer while I block them from my feed. 😉

  3. I think you failed pysch because your professor (or extremely mediocre Teacher’s Assistant who actually taught the class) didn’t want to admit how wise beyond your years you really were. Either that or you refused to sleep with him.

  4. #2 is Anne Hathaway as an Oscar host.

    Facebook has forced me to hate engaged women and pregnant women. Their countdowns of “OMG ONLY 3 MORE MONTHS TIL THE BIG DAY” kill me. just kill me. My boyfriend and I are going to elope just to avoid being one of those arses.

    As for the food blogger = disordered eater, I’m getting real pissed at the runner blog community too. Today, a popular-running-blogger who shall not be named, posted about her victory of not weighing herself. I had no idea she was just another body-obsessed blogger, and got genuinely pissed.

    Anyway. Love this post.

  5. You have me all twitterpated. But really – is there some related disorder to #3, for the not-newlywed, not-engaged, not-pregnant who won’t shut up about being maybe-married, maybe-engaged, maybe-knocked up? I don’t want to say “delusional” but maybe I am searching for a synonym for that word.

    • Ahhh, yes. I know this flaw; “my life just won’t be complete until ________.” I don’t know the right word either; some attention-whoring goes into it, but it’s not just that.

  6. Fantastic. Esp #3 (barf) and #5. I admit I’m guilty of posting recipes, but someone who photographs and shares every morsel of food they eat every day is fixating and obsessing. You bet your ass they’re still disordered.

    May I suggest one though? The compulsive Facebook updater? We’ve all hidden them from our feeds. 5 statuses a day, all boring. “Work, gym, dinner, sleep!” “Ugh so tired today.” “TGIF!” “Dinner with my amazing bf, love you baby!” “Getting a haircut then doctor’s appointment!” “At my daughter’s soccer game, go #8!” “Long day, hope tomorrow’s better.” “some obscure song quote passive agressively directed towards an unnamed person.”

    SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!

    If it’s not interesting or funny then no one cares. Guess it could fall under self-absorbed, but its a new level of obnoxious.

    • Oh for realz. I had to hide this dude who just posts link after link after link to his DJ-ing gigs. (I don’t delete him entirely because he’s too fun to rag on). Example: “ON THE 1’S AND 2’S TONITE @ BLAH BLAH LOUNGE! GO 2 MY FAN PAGE TO RSVP!!! INVITE YOUR FRIENDS!!!! LET’S DO THIS!”

      Um, no.

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