maybe I’m not at all down and out

It’s Friday night.

I’m half a block from finishing my run when this horrible waste of a human being thinks she’ll be clever and honk; startling me and causing me to do this retarded little jump/kick in mid-air.

Before you go thinking to yourself it’s probably my fault somehow (which, honestly, is what I’m inclined to do when one of you people whine about some injustice that was done to you), I’ll have you know I was on the far left side of the road and she came from behind me, driving on the right – as is customary in America – so there’s no chance I was hogging the road or endangering either of us in any way.

Naturally, I had to go after her.

Instead of turning to go to my house, I gave chase, in the hopes that…well, I’m not too sure actually. I didn’t really think that part through. Maybe find out where she lived and file it away for future poo-baggings? Pull her out of her car and set her on fire? IT’S ANYBODY’S GUESS.

Unfortunately, I lost her after she went around the first curve. But I did get a good look at her car — an ugly brown Jimmy with some rubbish about the Colts scrawled across the rear window in blue polish. Yeah, they won the Super Bowl FOUR YEARS AGO. Also? It’s MARCH. Get on with your life.

So if you see her, please give her the finger for me. Okay, thanks!

All things considered, I had a pretty good run.

A mile warm-up; four miles at the elusive “comfortably hard” pace; and a mile-turned-1.29 cool-down (the extra .29 being the Great Chase of 2011).

[Saturday happens, sans running]

Then this morning I got up at the butt crack for a six-mile trail run at Eagle Creek with some deer friends. (Sorry, that was unforgivable.)

It was 25° and sunny and absolutely gorgeous and damn it, I deserved it after patiently and humbly (LOL) suffering through those horrible runs Tuesday and Wednesday.

Which is pretty much the story of my running life: I hate myself, I hate you, I hate running, I hate this, I want to die; followed by brief interludes of I love you, I love this, I am awesome, I love life…

I know it’s not just me.

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8 thoughts on “maybe I’m not at all down and out

  1. This happened to me, dead of winter, on a quiet subdivision road. I’m all the way on the left, he’s on the right. Guy honked at me and then drove by at above the speed limit. I suppose that the honk was so that I could turn around and face my oncoming death.

    Not one to take this lightly, I screamed so loud that he pulled over. I ran by all manfully, but I was pretty sure he was going to shoot me or run me over, and I kept thinking about how I’d end up getting autopsied wearing running tights and that my last meal had been Tri Berry Gu.

    Of course, once I caught up, all that happened was 3 more seconds of the shouting match, and it made me feel worse about road running than snow, sleet or rain ever had.

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