things you can drink that are even more expensive than beer and nowhere near as fulfilling

So our home computer has been out of commission since Friday and I began having minor internet withdrawals sometime Saturday afternoon. It’s not so much that I need to BE on the internet all the time, it was just mildly annoying every time I wanted to do first-world things like look up a recipe, sync an ipod, send an email, learn how to freeze a banana, etc. At one point Sunday morning, I thought it might be Father’s Day and I freaked out. I ended up texting a friend.

If I were a better (worse/more obvious/predictable/retarded) blogger, I’d tell you how this internet-free weekend taught me some kind of valuable lesson and how I ended up finding all sorts of more meaningful ways to spend my time. Talking with family. Discovering nature. Reorganizing my sock drawer.

Well, I didn’t. I just went on with my life and that’s it.

But my weekend was actually fantastic: the weather was not unbearable and we took advantage by running in the morning and grilling in the afternoon. Pretty sure we met our red meat quota for the month. (More first world problems.)

And now…

[Clever segue into what it is I really want to talk about today]

Ever since I became afflicted with “BEBE” (seriously, if you call it that, you don’t deserve to have one), I’ve had a serious water-drinking addiction. I take a hand-held with me to run three miles. (This, from the girl who once thought it absurd to lug a CamelBak on a 20 mile run. Unless they’re trail miles.)

But I’m really good at drinking water now. I am probably the most well-hydrated person on the planet.

But it gets boring.

So here are a list of things I’ve been drinking in an attempt to make beverages interesting again. (Oh, and if you call it a “mocktail,” I will eat your face.)

  • Water mixed with Vitamin Water
  • Water with lemon
  • Water with lime
  • Orange juice
  • Orange juice with a splash of 7-Up
  • Iced tea/lemonade blend
  • Ginger ale
  • bong water*
  • motor oil**

Today I’m drinking Jones Zilch caffeine-free Vanilla Bean Soda (O% ABV/0 IBUs).

Zero caffeine, naturally sweetened, this Canadian-born soda (eh, ya hoser?) was heavily carbonated, but surprisingly light on the tongue.

The rich vanilla flavor was spicy, yet delicate.

It tasted heavenly, but it was expensive as shit and gave me indigestion.

Try it out sometime.



15 thoughts on “things you can drink that are even more expensive than beer and nowhere near as fulfilling

  1. I feel like a fish out of water with no internet, like I don’t know what day it is or where I am. It’s pretty intense…
    And my favorite non-alcoholic beverage for hwen I’m doing a cleanse or something is 7up or seltzer with cranberry juice and a lime. Feels like a cocktail minus the buzz…so not really at all I guess.

  2. Slice up cucumbers into spears (like pickle spears, only not yet pickle-ated). Let that sit in a jug of water for a few hours.




  3. Hopefully your case of BEBE doesn’t come with a touch of gay. ‘Cause that would be weird!

    Try juice/seltzer water mix. Vaguely more interesting and less caloric than straight juice. Again, trying to avoid the gay.

  4. I’m glad you tried that stuff, because I’ve been wanting to, but like you said…it’s expensive. So I haven’t. But now I might. #firstworldproblems

    • Ugh…I did it all wrong. First, I forgot to peel the banana and then I put it in the garage instead of the freezer. 😦

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