I’ve never been able to afford a membership to one of those ritzy gyms that have like, pools and saunas and shit. I’ve always grudgingly forked over 20 or 30 bucks a month to work out in an overcrowded storage closet with wobbly treadmills, stationary bikes that creep, and four screaming juicers pumping rusted iron in a shadowy corner.
No, we didn’t win the lottery, BUT a new YMCA opened exactly half a mile from our house, and it is – in my Clay Aiken voice – FAAAABULOUS!
It’s also surprisingly affordable. Get this: $76 PER FAMILY. And that includes the fetus at whichever point he or she wishes to begin accompanying me (gonna have that little bugger jogging with me in no time), and any other spawn we decide to bring into the world.
Me and TEH HUBZ have been stalking this place for months via the the back entrance that feeds into our neighborhood. We’d survey the progress made, jiggle all the door handles, peer in the windows; pretty much act like we owned the place, spouting off about how our tax dollars paid for it and all.
Last night, they had an “opening party” (sounds more glam than it actually was), so we finally got to have a look inside. For all it offers, it is totally worth the extra few bucks a month.
These are the most incredible treadmills I’ve ever seen:
Touch screen, ipod sync, face fan, and the best part: a virtual run setting complete with terrain/grade changes, and ambient noise through your headphones, so you can “run” the canyons, the mountains, the beach, etc. (If I were in charge, there’d by a Grand Theft Auto version where you’re outrunning crackheads and hurdling dead hookers. AM I RIGHT?)
And look how big this place is. See the climbing wall in the back?
Basketball court. I will be spending exactly zero time in here.
Soon-to-be-contaminated children’s pool. (Okay, that’s probably unfair, but I have a complex about pools filled with
urine children. Guess I might have to get over that soon, huh?)
And the lap pool where I will soon learn to loathe swimming…
Anyiknowyoureallydontgiveashit, the home PC is STILL NOT FIXED. Freaking idiot repair dude said it would be 5-10 business days and it’s been more than 14. Then when we called on Wednesday, he said it’d “either be today or tomorrow.” But we kinda don’t want to throw a hissy while he’s still holding our computer hostage…
Instead, a haiku rant:
I’ll be a writer,
change the world! Should have fixed
Oh, and stop by and see Angry Runner today. For someone who claims to be uninspired, she’s sure cranking out some brilliantly disturbing haiku.
I love you,