more stuff you don’t care about + Friday haiku

I’ve never been able to afford a membership to one of those ritzy gyms that have like, pools and saunas and shit. I’ve always grudgingly forked over 20 or 30 bucks a month to work out in an overcrowded storage closet with wobbly treadmills, stationary bikes that creep, and four screaming juicers pumping rusted iron in a shadowy corner.

Until now.

No, we didn’t win the lottery, BUT a new YMCA opened exactly half a mile from our house, and it is – in my Clay Aiken voice – FAAAABULOUS!

It’s also surprisingly affordable. Get this: $76 PER FAMILY. And that includes the fetus at whichever point he or she wishes to begin accompanying me (gonna have that little bugger jogging with me in no time), and any other spawn we decide to bring into the world.

Me and TEH HUBZ have been stalking this place for months via the the back entrance that feeds into our neighborhood. We’d survey the progress made, jiggle all the door handles, peer in the windows; pretty much act like we owned the place, spouting off about how our tax dollars paid for it and all.

Last night, they had an “opening party” (sounds more glam than it actually was), so we finally got to have a look inside. For all it offers, it is totally worth the extra few bucks a month.

These are the most incredible treadmills I’ve ever seen:

Touch screen, ipod sync, face fan, and the best part: a virtual run setting complete with terrain/grade changes, and ambient noise through your headphones, so you can “run” the canyons, the mountains, the beach, etc. (If I were in charge, there’d by a Grand Theft Auto version where you’re outrunning crackheads and hurdling dead hookers. AM I RIGHT?)

And look how big this place is. See the climbing wall in the back?

Basketball court. I will be spending exactly zero time in here.

Soon-to-be-contaminated children’s pool. (Okay, that’s probably unfair, but I have a complex about pools filled with urine children. Guess I might have to get over that soon, huh?)

And the lap pool where I will soon learn to loathe swimming…

Fun huh?

Anyiknowyoureallydontgiveashit, the home PC is STILL NOT FIXED. Freaking idiot repair dude said it would be 5-10 business days and it’s been more than 14. Then when we called on Wednesday, he said it’d “either be today or tomorrow.” But we kinda don’t want to throw a hissy while he’s still holding our computer hostage…

Instead, a haiku rant:

I’ll be a writer,
change the world! Should have fixed
computers instead.

Oh, and stop by and see Angry Runner today. For someone who claims to be uninspired, she’s sure cranking out some brilliantly disturbing haiku.

I love you,



13 thoughts on “more stuff you don’t care about + Friday haiku

  1. That gym does look really nice. Loveeeeee the treadmills. If there’s one thing missing on my treadmills at work it’s fans. GTA version would be the tits.

  2. I work out at the Y in my hometown too and it’s pretty fantastic. They have some really good classes and luckily the one I go is filled wall-wall with people well into their 70’s and not so much girls flitting around in flowered sports bras and guys that try and hit on you when you are obviously trying to ignore them.

  3. I need to seek someplace like this out…I used to pay $20 a month for planet fitness (aka, a bunch of machines filled by people who really don’t belong there).

  4. I don’t feel guilty
    For rarely going to gym
    Just wasting fifteen

    Yay for really affordable family plans and the gym employee who overlooked the rule that I had to have the same address as my sister to get the plan. I’ve been in the gym once this year.

  5. This is like gym porn! Hey, how old do you think spawn has to be before one can park it in the gym’s child care? Two weeks? Three??

    The Germans call it
    “raven mother”. I say: Spawn,
    Toughen up. BRB.

    Man, I suck at haiku 😦

  6. I soooo loved the YMCAs we had near our house and I the time I used to have to visit them. Work schedule doesn’t allow it anymore. I am jealous since I am reduced to running on a treadmill in the house and peeing in my toilet instead of the pool.

  7. Marie! I found your blog via one of your comments on Shelby’s blog. I’m obsessed (especially after you mentioned Dogfish’s Black & Blue beer on her blog!). I’m also completely loving your YMCA! I could only dream of one so nice…lucky!

  8. Pingback: you wrung me out too too too many times |

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