In my Jerry Seinfeld voice: What’s with these people who claim to be insanely busy but just happen to be on the internet ALL THE TIME?
You know the ones. They gripe and moan about how stressed they are and how they’ve got soooooo much work to do, yet they’re always first to reply to your email, comment on your Facebook post or bust out a tweet about how busy they are. We get it, you’re important. (And now if you’ll excuse me, I have an important video I need to watch on Youtube. And some videotapes to return.)
I myself am not that busy. I go to work. (Mostly.) I do things. (As few things as possible.) I get emails. (Not that many.) And I’ve never once asked myself, “Seriously, where did [whatever month it was last month] go? I keep track of time rather well, actually.
I also don’t have any goals. Except the goal to just keep on keepin’ on. People who are always talking about their goals need to find a hobby. Or drink more.
And now a pregnancy rant…
To the hoards of you who just can’t wait to breathlessly and gleefully tell me about how I’m going to go poop on the delivery table, I get it. I already heard that rumor and I’m not impressed. If you think going #2 in a room full of people is something to get all hyped up about, you must not have had much fun in college. Plus, I’m guessing that I might just be so caught up with the whole passing o’ the watermelon thing that I would gladly make a poo on the front lawn of the White House if it got the baby out any faster.
I’m also not impressed by all you people who feel it is your obligation to explain to me how my hoo-hah is never going to be the same and how you would never, ever in a million years be able to stop drinking for nine.whole.months. And I’m sorry about your drinking problem.
I’m not bitter, I’ve just heard all your jokes before and I’m not polite enough to keep laughing like it’s the very first time.
Now a mind-blowing haiku/disclaimer:
This is by no means
a call for you to go poo
on the White House lawn.