do not want: why “mocktails” can suck it

We have a serious overgrowth of mint in the backyard right now.

20 still-green tomatoes, a few hot peppers, one giant bell, some very delicate Thai basil, and one mint plant that’s about to take over the entire yard.

So I’ve been putting that stuff in everything.


Stir fry…

And finally in my fragile, somewhat delusional yet decidedly untoxicated state, I decided to try a fake cocktail drink.

I found the recipe here:

  • 2 teaspoons sugar
  • 4 mint sprigs
  • 3 Tablespoons lime or lemon juice
  • 1/2 cup club soda
  • 2 dashes Angostura Bitters

I picked up some lime seltzer water and whipped out the box of once-used powdered sugar I bought last winter when I thought I desperately needed some homemade fudge to go with a chocolate stout. And I skipped the bitters because why the hell would you waste money on bitters for a nonalcoholic drink?

Add mint, lime juice, and sugar to the bottom of glass. Crush with muddler. Add remaining ingredients and stir.

Sounds simple enough, right?


The lime/soda combo tasted like nothing, the sugar was overwhelming and I couldn’t taste enough of the mint. Oh, and there was no booze in it. Which is the #1 reason why mocktails can suck it.

This is how you're supposed to take pictures for your blog, right?

Anyway, I have plenty more mint to play around with, so if you want to give me some guidance (that doesn’t include “yeah pour some rum in it! lol!!1!”), I’m willing to try again.

How about a haiku then?

Five more months seems like
a long time to wait for a
decent mojito.

Postscript: …not to mention it will be December.


23 thoughts on “do not want: why “mocktails” can suck it

  1. Who even buys bitters for an alcoholic drink anymore? That’s why we invented beer. You could always just make a simple syrup with the mint and add it to the seltzer. At least then you only have to go through the effort of making something once.

    • I don’t even really know what bitters is…but yeah, it did seem like it needed to be syrupier. I could probably handle that without messing it up too bad.

  2. I think you need granulated sugar not powdered sugar. That will fix part of the problem and I usually use just the leaves not the nasty stems. OR just muddle the mint with some lime juice and add Sprite/7-Up and voila you have a mojito like thing w/o the rum.

  3. Every time I go to a restaurant the only nonalcoholic drink they have beside water and soda is a virgin mojito. I got one that was actually pretty good, but the rest were just minty water.

    AND, every nonalcoholic drink I order comes with a straw, so not only is it obvious that I’m not drinking but I look like a little kid.

  4. ewww i hate the term “mocktail” almost as much as i hate them. try putting your mint in some lemonade or iced tea to jazz it up.

  5. I like to do a splash cranberry in seltzer with a slice of lime and some mint. You get the sugar from the juice and don’t have to add a crapload of it. Plus it makes me feel fancy which often leads to me speaking in a British accent and that’s just good times for everyone.
    It’s rathah refreshing dahling.

  6. You could make mint iced tea. Brew a large pot of tea and stick in a few sprigs of mint. Let it sit for… however long you usually let the tea brew then chill. Its refreshing and not some crappy mocktail that makes you want to reach for the liquor cabinet.

    • Mint and strawberry sounds fantastic. I just saw some strawberry basil ice cream at Cold Stone that looked interesting. That might be fun to try at home too.

  7. This is why, the moment I’m no longer breastfeeding, I plan to have a giant “I’m not breastfeeding!” party. It’ll be a 24-hour affair, starting with espresso and ending with vast amounts of alcohol. (part of my bid to become mother of the century, obvs…)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s