you wrung me out too too too many times

I know I just bragged about my sweet-ass new climate-controlled gym. And I know I mentioned how I’m running at something like a 12:00 pace these days. And I know at 5-10 miles a week, I’m running a fraction of the distance you guys are. Oh, and I know I pretty much do it all on a treadmill, but for the sake of camaraderie and since I am carrying 15 extra pounds (only 8 ounces of which is actually the weight of the kid), can I just pretend like I ran 40 miles outdoors this week and complain to you about how horrible it was? I wouldn’t want to diminish the credibility of this story with the truth…

Nah, buy yeah. I ran-waddled my half a mile to the gym last night and just about died. Then I managed 27 excruciating minutes on the treadmill (while the linebacker next to me sprayed sweat in every direction…hurk), before waddling off to the pool…which was filled with MORE all sorts of annoying.

From 5 – 8 p.m., there’s only one lane open for lap swimming and the rest of the pool is used for lessons. (Well, you can hover in a dark corner at the deep end, but they can kick you out if they decide to use that area for the class.)

It seems retarded to me that they’d only have one lane open during the busiest part of the day, but I’m hoping that schedule will change in the fall. Unless they actually do have a retarded person jabbing a pen around and making out pool schedules, in which case we’re all screwed.

Anyway, last night, FOUR people were sharing that one lane. I don’t know much about swimming (maybe this is common and you just suck it up?), but it looked annoying as hell and I wasn’t about to join them. I just floated around in the deep end for a while (indignantly glaring at all the little kids in their stupid swim class) and pretended to aquajog. Tonight I’m going to the pool at 8 p.m. in the hopes that no one will be there to bother me. Not like it’s going to cramp the mind-blowing Friday night I had planned eatingmacaroniandcheeseinmyunderwearandwatchingthehills.

Yeah, go ahead and file this one under #whitegirlproblems.

Can you get heat stroke
from running half a mile
at 12 minute pace?

What are you doing this weekend? And if it’s something amazing, don’t tell me.


18 thoughts on “you wrung me out too too too many times

  1. Do you have to pay for the swim lessons? Because if so, yeah, there’s your answer for why the majority of the pool is dedicated to lessons during the busiest hours of the day.

    But I pay $70/month for my dirty crappy broken down gym with NO pool, so I think I have go with “suck it up, buttercup” on this one.

    • Nope, the lessons are included in the membership. (Didn’t I tell you this place was awesome?) But maybe you nailed it anyway: if I just sign up for a lesson I can have free range of the pool during peak times. Who cares if I’m fapping around with 7 year olds, right?!

      • I’ve been that person. NO SHAME. (I’m not kidding. I have, as an adult, taken swim lessons with children. They learn faster than I do, too.)

  2. This weekend I’m flying to podunk Illinois to spend a week in the godforsaken Midwest summer environment high temps+humidity. But you already know all about that. However, yesterday night I watched 3 hours of pig wrestling at the local county fair, so I’m coming off of that awesome experience… In haiku form:
    1 little piggy
    4 woman teams of suckers
    0 dignity.

  3. Yeah, at MY YMCA (at which I am not a member but free swim is FREE for residents of Montreal)(Yeah!) four people in a land is fairly luxurious (perhaps because of this fabulous ‘free for residents’ clause). After ten, it is often not worth it to try to swim (sometimes less- super fast or super slow or super oblivious people tend to cause more than their share of problems). It does take some getting used to though. Can’t stand doing the lap swim when kids are in the pool, though…they always seem to throw balls or noodles or other junk into your lane and/or are somehow unable to keep OUT of it, despite having the majority of the pool at their disposal.

    p.s. love your blog! I’ve been skulking about here nefariously for a few weeks now.

    • Oh my GOD, 10 people??! I was thinking there might be some swimming rule of etiquette where you don’t get in a lane if there’s more than X people in it already, but I guess it’s a free for all. And yes, there were definitely some old ladies wading on kickboards vs. some younger kids who looked like they were really good & fast swimmers. (To my untrained eye, at least; for all I know they could have all been walruses.)

  4. What’s fun for me is that when you say “waddle” I always get a hilarious mental picture of you actually waddling around, and it makes me laugh. So thanks for that. Also, I’ve found that people who design gyms/make class schedules are the stupidest people ever.

      • Waddling is the new Zumba!! (I have no idea what that means, really. Just embrace the waddle.) Also, I’d totally take a swimming lesson or two if they’re free with the membership.

      • Dude, they totally had a prenatal swim class but I missed the sign-up. What a sight that would be, huh?

  5. My friend and I got paired up with this dinosaur of a man in our kickboxing class yesterday (he reminded me of the Mandelbaum! guy from Seinfeld) and he literally flung sweat out of every godforsaken inch of his body and it was making me dry heave. I sweat a lot, don’t get me wrong, but if your sweat is shooting out of you like a human sprinkler, you should probably just grab your own heavy bag or maybe just live in a bubble.
    “No I’m sorry, it’s the Moops” (Oh Seinfeld references.)

  6. I heart Cold War Kids.

    My Friday night might not be as exciting as yours. True Story. Except for the fact mine might involve a few beers….

    …backs out of post like this….

  7. Definitely sounds like there’s a mentally challenged person working the desk at the old Y. One lane open?

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