ineffectual tuesday

You’re going through your day of checking email, doing yoga and eating natural, healthy foods. Every seems fine, except you feel this underlying sense of dread because once again…you have to figure out a way to make this kind of stuff seem interesting on your blog! These hosting bills don’t pay themselves, people!

You’re desperate for something – anything! – to happen so you can write about it. You don’t care if you get cut off in traffic, forget to wear socks to the gym or find you’re out your favorite granola cereal has been recalled after being contaminated by the spruce bark beetle…wait a sec, is that a raccoon rooting through the trash? SCORE! If it’s good for a couple of long, painfully drawn-out sentences, bring it on.

What I’m getting at, is that I’m feeling a little antsy today because nothing’s going on. I like to keep things fresh, but when every day is the same, you don’t cook anything interesting (or even marginally disgusting) and you do all your running on a treadmill at the gym, it gets a little hard to make your life seem extraordinary.

And I decided to blog about it.

Sure, I could offer you guys a reader poll about what type of shoelaces you prefer, or whether you think the toilet paper should roll over or under, but you guys are smart, and you’d see right through that.

I could talk about all the stupid things that people say to pregnant ladies, like “ARE YOU EATING FOR TWO NOW?” (x infinity), “I would hate losing control of my own body!” (random Twitter follower), and “Sleep while you still can!” But that’s not worth more than a sentence, at best.

I could talk about my goals, but that is so boring. I don’t stress myself out, I don’t hold myself to high expectations, and I don’t really care about achieving anything meaningful in my career (except not getting fired). Don’t get me wrong: I do my job well, but I don’t live to work; I work to live.

I could post a picture of a chair or a tree and then tell you a story about my childhood and act like there’s some deep and meaningful philosophy behind it. But this isn’t one of those sappy, herp derp, I haz a feeling blogs. Is it.

Instead, we’ll pretend all this drivel I just banged out affected you in a really important way, you can glance at my ads, I can drool over my page views, and we will all be just as empty and ineffectual as we were five minutes ago.

Happy Tuesday.

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28 thoughts on “ineffectual tuesday

  1. I had a dream last night that I was having sex on a rooftop and a raccoon crawled out of the gutter and was walking all over us but we didn’t stop for fear he would bite.

    True story.

  2. You know kids in some state (if I wasn’t lazy, I’d look it up), are no longer being taught cursive? They won’t have pretty handwriting like you.

    #anotherpageviewanduselessfactforyou

  3. That picture is my favorite. I actually think that some of those ideas sound fantastic. I know I already told you this, but next time you’re at the grocery store, take a six pack of beer up to the customer service desk and ask for a pack of Marlboros and see what happens.

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