Having a uterus the size of a soccer ball is kind of like having gastric bypass: there’s no room for your stomach to expand so you eat birdlike portions 11 times a day and you’re hungry all the time.
Something else I’ve noticed: pregnancy is a lot like puberty. Your body is changing. You grow hair where there was no hair before. Your hormones are raging. Acne runs rampant. You sweat and smell worse than you used to. You have an identity crisis. And you want to experiment with drugs and alcohol.
Also, I laid wide awake in bed last night for a good three hours. I came up with what I thought was a genius blog idea that, by daylight, turned out to be stupid. (Not this one, a different stupid blog idea.) I thought about the movie Insidious, and imagined I saw an scary old lady in the corner of my room. I felt the kid do about 30 reps of decline nut thrusts in my belly. I drifted off just before dawn and my alarm went off five minutes later.
And now Eric’s secretary is a coma.
In the absence of
anything clever or wise:
Je veux pisser, y’all!