kill the lights

I really feel like the content of this post warrants 72-point font in all caps to fully convey the degree of my flabbergastery, but I don’t want to offend your eyes, so maybe you can just picture it that way.

So, I’m in my gym’s locker room, minding my own business, getting dressed after my swim. And this lady a few lockers down has the nerve to say to me, “they have changing rooms in here, you know.”

YES I AM SERIOUS.

For a second…okay probably like five seconds, I was too shocked to even speak. I think I actually looked around, like, am I really hearing this? Finally (and I am so proud of this), I said, “If it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to watch.” She said that was not the point.

What WAS the point then, exactly?

I didn’t ask because I didn’t really feel like getting into a naked fight in the locker room of my gym (as much as that outcome would have caused my blog traffic to SKYROCKET).

But really, what the hell?

For the record? I’ve never actually seen anyone using those changing stalls in the locker room. (I mentioned once how they have separate family locker rooms for anyone under 18, and I’ve found that most adults are unfazed by any level of nudity.) And my husband said they don’t even have changing stalls in the mens’ locker room.

Anyway, I don’t really know where I’m going with this except that I really hope I see her again: I’m going to ask her if she thinks this freckle on my ass looks like skin cancer.

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21 thoughts on “kill the lights

  1. At my gym I’ve seen 65 year old ladies buck ass naked sitting on a towel doing make up. (Yes, more than one. It must be an old lady thing to do your make up naked.) I don’t want to see it, so I don’t look. That’s my general policy in locker rooms…ITS LIKE AN ELEVATOR. YOU DON’T LOOK.

    I do think you should kick this bitch in the baby maker.

  2. To be fair, the thought of a naked pregnant lady in the locker room grosses me out. But you know why that is? Because the thought of a naked lady in the locker room, period, preggers or no, grosses me out. And just like AR the women in my locker room tend to stay around naked. Blow drying their hair, doing their makeup, whatever.

    Props to you for saying something. Bitch needs to get over herself. I thought that the unspoken locker room rule was to go in, do what you need to do, and leave without paying attention to anyone else.

  3. What a bitch. It’s a LOCKER ROOM. Going into the changing area is only acceptable in middle school when you’re uncomfortable with you “changing body”, and even that gets lame by, like, 8th grade. Clearly this lady never matured past 7th.

  4. That happens to me ALL the time in Target. Like listen bitch, I don’t feel like going to the changing rooms so just don’t look while I try on this bathing suit in the middle of the store. Mind your business.

  5. I change in front of the lockers too. I don’t walk around naked or anything, I just change my clothes and go. That’s what most people do. At least at my gym. Glad you told her off!

  6. I just don’t even know what to say to that. However, I feel like if it were me I’d pull a George Costanza and try and come up with a “jerk store” comeback just to keep in your back pocket for the next time she pops up. Or just repeatedly drop things and keep bending over and brush your ass against her. That would be amazing.

  7. Revenge is best served cold. And since I am a sick bitch and really hate people like this, what I would suggest is get a locker near hers, bring a something that will hold water and pretend your water broke…all over her.

  8. I don’t know how I would respond. Mortified? Irate? It took me years to become okay with changing publicly, and now some bitch is undoing that?

    That said, completely unacceptable. Tell her to come to Jersey; I’ll show her naked.

  9. I never even heard of a changing room inside the locker room. Isn’t that what the fucking locker room is for? Otherwise they’d only have one. I mean, they have lockers at Disney too, but you go to the gender separated room to change.

    I hope you took her picture and posted it on the gym entrance with a nice label.

  10. I’m amazed that you had the presence of mind to respond with the perfect response! I would have been dumbfounded. Honestly, I have seen more strange women in my gym’s locker room that people wouldn’t believe. It’s a circus in there.

    http://www.fromthemudroom.com

    • Ordinarily I would spend the entire next night awake and agonizing over comebacks I would never be able to use. It’s just a shame no one else was there to hear it. Of course ever since, the locker room has been silly with old naked ladies and this woman is nowhere to be found.

  11. obviously she was just jealous of the sweet rack that you now have because of pregnancy!

    the women in my gym have no shame about changing naked, rubbing lotion all over the bodies naked, blowdrying/straightening hair naked, etc. it’s basically a nudist colony.

    i try to keep my lady bits covered when i can, but i would never even think about using a changing room. i barely have time to rinse off and dress let alone do it in a separate stall!

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