So, the #1 baby question people ask me (after “when are you due?” and “what are you having?”) is “what are you naming it?”
SHH! It’s private! No tellsies! I’ll over-share absolutely every single other juicy, intimate detail of my life, but for some reason the baby’s name is TOP SECRET. (Tomorrow I’ll describe how sneezing sometimes makes me pee a little and I’ll show you about two dozen photos of my stretchmarks!)
Actually, since I’m a mega huge narcissist and I know you’re dying to be privileged to all aspects of my glamorous lifestyle, I will share some ideas we’ve been tossing around. Just swear you guys won’t make fun of them!
Wynonna
Madge
Coco
קליין
Raul
Eclampsia
Moammar
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
Li’l M
Pascual Romero II
Chobani
la Nina
‡ (that’s “Double Dagger” but we’d call her ‘Dubs’ for short)
Sarah Michelle
What’s your favorite baby name (on this list?)
Cheaper Than Therapy 
For some reason I am dying over Pascual Romero II.
Though really, you should name her Dora.
DORA ES HERMOSA!
Oh, I love them! Chobani is great! You could call her Cho for short and be multiculti. But what about plain old (R)?
R for RAD!!!
I thought for sure you would channel your inner Gwyneth Paltrow and name the baby Apple. Maybe you could choose another fruit: Kumquat is pretty.
Or maybe just GOOP. All caps.
Totally go for Sarah Michelle. Or Sarah-Michelle with middle name Gellar. But you have to pronounce it GELL-ARRRRR.
Ok, that just made me laugh. hee! I think she was on Howard Stern and he was insisting it was pronounced that way.
HA!! I didn’t see that but it made me laugh anyway.
I prefer the name Chia. I sounds ethnic and I’m sure she’ll be the only one in her kindergarten class with the name. If you must go with one on the list, I’d do Coco.
Damn that marketing team at Chia. Every time I hear that word, I have to go “Ch-ch-ch-chia!”
UGH. I had an Eclampsia in my class one year; total devil child. Worst student ever. The Chobanis I have are all angels, though.
How about Lufituaeb? It’s beautfiul, spelled backwards.
I’d love for people to ask what ethnicity Lufituaeb is.
Why is Jesus not on this list? And no, not the Mexican “hey-zues” form, actually “Jesus”.
JEEBUS!
I like Chobani myself. When he/she is old enough, you only have to say one work to have him/her fetch you one from the fridge. That’s a time saver right there and a win-win if you ask me.
work = word. The point of the name is LESS work. Don’t know how that slipped in there.
DON’T DO DRUGS!
The name Chevrolet rolls off the tongue.
Coco is good too. If she’s a fatty you can call her Coco Butterball.
Oooh, and maybe I could even ask Chevy to sponsor her. I mean, this is all about getting paid, right? Whoops, I mean this is all about living my dream, right?
Chobani. OMG EFFIN CHOBANI. Remind the kid that being orthorexic is the most important. Oh, I mean healthy. Healthy.
I’m doing lunges as I’m typing this.
קליין. Without a doubt. Or, I should say
.tbuod a touhtiW קליין
That sounds sexy!
lol, i like klein.
or dubs.
Chobani has a nice ring to it. Or what about Fage? I kind of like that one, actually…
Too late!! I’m stealing it!
Eclampsia is really beautiful. I’d go with that.
Eclampsia is my personal favorite.
I agree with AR- Pascual Romero II made me laugh the hardest (and now my coworkers are looking at me expecting me to share what was funny- no! It’s a secret!). I think I especially enjoy the fact that the “II” would come before her last name. That’s trailblazing, right there.
To everyone who suggested a name that was not on the list, you are all internet bullies.
Chobani is a great hood name!