Yeah, I haven’t really been able to come up with any compelling blog content this week. Instead of showing you what I ate (37 bowls of cereal) or talking about my workouts (swam, jogged…walked, lifted weights while all the juicers in the weight room had preggo-fetish fantasies about me), I decided I’d just give you a little bit of a break.
I kind of feel like one of those food bloggers who quits her day job and then finds herself stuck at home all day with nothing to write about except how she got some free samples of Pert Plus in the mail and drank four gallons of iced coffee. Except that I still have a job. I just don’t interact with people or do interesting things anymore.
Anyway, here are a few things you missed…
I’m sick of reading blog posts that begin with “X business was nice enough to offer me a free _______” and ends with “I highly recommend it!” You can defend yourself all you want, you’re still a prostitute for someone’s product. If you can come out and say “Yo, I do it for the money,” I respect that. But don’t make pretendsies like you’re just an innocent writer.
I came across a blog post where someone was complaining that she couldn’t find a Halloween costume small enough to fit a newborn, and I briefly thought about phoning in a tip to Child Protective Services. Sonia suggested a dog costume. I LOLed.
I held an 11-hour-old baby on Wednesday. It was…amazing. But then my eye sockets filled up with this weird water stuff and I felt all giddy. That never used to happen before the fetal invasion. So not metal.
There is this one dude I work with who always CCs my boss whenever he emails me. Like, I guess as an insurance policy against me ignoring him. Which I totally would.
I have a giant hole in my arm and a band-aid rash from having blood drawn. The good news is that despite my lumpy façade, I apparently have a pancreas that can process glucose faster than you can flip through an aging copy of People magazine. For an hour.
On this day last year, I was getting ready to go to Germany. On this day this year (that would be today, for all you LDs), I’m getting ready to go the bathroom. In my pants. BRB.
How to write a blog:
Put words down and hit ‘publish.’
Sit back and get rich.