sick of it all, in fragments + Friday haiku

Yeah, I haven’t really been able to come up with any compelling blog content this week. Instead of showing you what I ate (37 bowls of cereal) or talking about my workouts (swam, jogged…walked, lifted weights while all the juicers in the weight room had preggo-fetish fantasies about me), I decided I’d just give you a little bit of a break.

I kind of feel like one of those food bloggers who quits her day job and then finds herself stuck at home all day with nothing to write about except how she got some free samples of Pert Plus in the mail and drank four gallons of iced coffee. Except that I still have a job. I just don’t interact with people or do interesting things anymore.

Anyway, here are a few things you missed…

I’m sick of reading blog posts that begin with “X business was nice enough to offer me a free _______” and ends with “I highly recommend it!” You can defend yourself all you want, you’re still a prostitute for someone’s product. If you can come out and say “Yo, I do it for the money,” I respect that. But don’t make pretendsies like you’re just an innocent writer.

I came across a blog post where someone was complaining that she couldn’t find a Halloween costume small enough to fit a newborn, and I briefly thought about phoning in a tip to Child Protective Services. Sonia suggested a dog costume. I LOLed.

I held an 11-hour-old baby on Wednesday. It was…amazing. But then my eye sockets filled up with this weird water stuff and I felt all giddy. That never used to happen before the fetal invasion. So not metal.

There is this one dude I work with who always CCs my boss whenever he emails me. Like, I guess as an insurance policy against me ignoring him. Which I totally would.

I have a giant hole in my arm and a band-aid rash from having blood drawn. The good news is that despite my lumpy façade, I apparently have a pancreas that can process glucose faster than you can flip through an aging copy of People magazine. For an hour.

On this day last year, I was getting ready to go to Germany. On this day this year (that would be today, for all you LDs), I’m getting ready to go the bathroom. In my pants. BRB.

How to write a blog:
Put words down and hit ‘publish.’
Sit back and get rich.


14 thoughts on “sick of it all, in fragments + Friday haiku

  1. About the blog reviewing… what about my situation this past week. I purchased the product and then the company emailed me and offered to comp it in exchange for a review. Then I wrote a pretty nice review, but it was a product I had liked in the past. I didn’t write the post FOR the money, but well, I still seem to fall under your category. Thoughts on my prostituteness?

    • You are a dirty pirate hooker from whore island!

      Naw, but, I read your review and you didn’t sound like you were just pimping out a product. I know I always make it seem like everything is black & white, but I do realize that legit bloggers can do product reviews and still be genuine. I guess I just reserve the right to pick and choose which ones fall into that category.

      Really, what annoys me is when I start seeing sponsored posts 2-3 times a week and realize I’m reading an affiliate marketing blog and not someone’s genuine thoughts.

      My 2 cents.

  2. Liquid comes out of my tear ducts every now and then, too. Like, once a year, tops. I still can’t figure out what it is but I do know that I don’t want anyone to see it, and I hope it stops soon.

    I only believe product reviews that came from the person purcahsing the item of their own free will, that seems way more honest to me.

  3. I’ll gladly sell out for tickets to an advanced screening of a movie I really want to see. In that case it was Harry Potter. I felt weird about doing it, but I put in a lot of work in to my blog, well I used to, and don’t do ads so some compensation is nice.

    • Respeck! And I cannot with complete certainly say I would proudly uphold my fierce standard of journalistic integrity if someone were to offer me free beer.

      • Um…I was actually starting to worry about you! I’ve sort of been stalking your blog and thought maybe you went into early labor or something. Hope you pop that baby friend soon!

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