21 horror movies I will watch again and again

I MADE A LIST OF MOVIES! SOMEBODY PAY ME!

It’s that time of year again, and since I won’t be running in any Halloween 5ks or almost falling into any bonfires after drinking Arctic Panzer Wolf, I’ll be celebrating by watching as many horror movies as I can get my hands on and eating candy corn until I puke. (To my daughter: sorry in advance for the diabeetus.)

Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order.

Cabin Fever (2002). Classic gorefest. Dumb and awesome at the same time.

Pancakes!

Martyrs (2008). I’m lying. I will probably never have the balls to watch this movie again unless I am blind drunk, but it had to go on the list because it still haunts me to this day. French horror films consistently prove one thing: the French are le sick.

What's going on here? What is that thing on her head? What the fuck!

High Tension/Haute Tension (2005). Another French horror film. Looking back, maybe it should have been predictable but I never caught on. It’s real gritty and dark, with a very eloquently orchestrated twist at the end.

Not ketchup.

It (1990). But to be honest, without Tim Curry it probably would have sucked.

Night of the Living Dead (1968). Can’t not mention. It’s been a Halloween staple in my home for years. My husband actually keeps wood scraps in the shed in the event of a zombie attack.

Not a joking matter.

Dawn of the Dead (2004). Yes, the remake. Sue me.

This is poor quality, but it’s one of the best scenes. Suck it up.

Seven (1995). Four words: “WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”

Do I have to say “spoiler alert” if the movie’s been out for 16 years?

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). This movie really messed me up. The grit and lack of special effects just make it all the more unsettling. (None of the remakes hold a candle to the original, but I will say that R. Lee Ermey is hysterical as Sheriff Hoyt in the 2003 remake and the 2006 prequel.)

28 Days Later (2002). I’m a big fan of apocalypsey horror films. And, this is important: it’s a rage virus, not a zombie outbreak.

Don’t worry: the monkeys win. Sort of.

Jacob’s Ladder (1990). First appearance in films of what I like to call “shaky people.”

Shaky fellow.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)/Devil’s Rejects (2005). Disturbing and hilarious. Devil’s Rejects gets bonus points for Brian Posehn cameo.

Evil Dead (1981)/Army of Darkness (1992). These almost don’t qualify as horror movies because they’re so damn funny. But they made the list nevertheless.

Candyman (1992). This is another one that really messed with my head. I think I was in a vulnerable place at the time (ie, stoned), which made it all the more disturbing. It’s sick and sad at the same time.

The pain, I can assure you, will be exquisite.

Scream (1996). This is THE teen slasher flick of my generation. It marked the beginning of a new era of horror films. Or some shit. Skeet Ulrich is hot. Huh-huh.

Honorable Mentions:

Insidious (2010). The more I think about it, the more this movie seems incredibly absurd. Right now. But then it’s 2 a.m. and it’s dark and I have to pee, and I swear that old lady is standing in the corner of my room…

Not absurd at 2 a.m.

Wolf Creek (2005). Only because I can’t stop saying “That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife.”

Disclaimer: Please, for the love of god, don’t watch this clip if you’re going to be a big fat whinypants about a few severed fingers, mkay?

Gothika (2003). Horror/crime thriller with the ultimate scary: dead little girls.

DERP

The Faculty (1998). Because of this:

Jon Stewart with a pencil in his eye.

Idle Hands (1999). Shut up, this is a great fucking film.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SCARY MOVIE?

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21 thoughts on “21 horror movies I will watch again and again

  1. Sad but true fact about me: I’m too much of a scaredy-cat to watch horror movies. Yes, I think Silence of the lambs is a comedy. But then the Ring cost me about two weeks of sleep.

    But through most of college, my computer recited a monologue from Seven when I turned it on: “sit back, you fuckin’ freak! Shut your fuckin’ mouth! You’re no messiah, you’re a… You’re a movie of the week. You’re a t-shirt, at best.” It says something about me that I found that quote inspirational. (My computer also used to chime “Dr. Lecter, whose head is in that bottle?” when I got email. I miss that computer.)

      • I’m disappointed in my iphone typing from earlier. It should say, “you’re FUCKING t-shirt, at best.” Of course, “I’m a fucking t-shirt” would be even better on a t-shirt.

      • The Ring and The Grudge are the only horror movies that scare the ABSOLUTE SHIT out of me. I just can’t get over those girls and the hair and the paleness and the AHHHH I’m going to have nightmares.

        Guy-with-a-knife movies just don’t scare me at all.

      • My husband teases me about scary little girls. In our last house, we didn’t have a lamp by the bed so I had to hit the switch and then walk a few feet to the bed. My husband would wait until the lights were off and then go, “Oh shit, there’s a little girl over there!”

        Dick.

  2. Have you ever seen Sleep Away Camp? It is my all-time favorite horrifically wonderful 70’s scary movie. Seriously. It changed my life. Only bc it’s better for having seen this.
    And I don’t think I can ever watch another Rob Zombie movie ever again. Partly because I’m terrified of clowns (which is why I can’t watch It or Killer Klowns from Outer Space) but also because I feel like I’m a bad person just for simply watching it.
    Army of Darkness rocks my fucking socks off. Word.

    • “because I feel like I’m a bad person just for simply watching it.” = LOLSKIES

      The Halloween movies that Rob Zombie made are really messed up too. Really gory. When I saw him in concert they had clips from the movies playing in the background on stage. GREAT SHOW BTW.

  3. I dig the asian horror- they are the masters of creating unbearable (and scary!) tension. Uzumaki is completely, completely bizarre, and A tale of two sisters (Korean, I think)- freaked the hell out of me! Also, ‘Cure’.

  4. Signs scared me. What? It’s a scary movie. I grew up during the high point of alien abduction hysteria, so aliens scare me. I was a bit scared of The Ring, but I already knew a lot about it, so it wasn’t that scary. Blair Witch Project scared me, since I saw before I’d heard anything about it. I’ve been told that Paranormal Activity is really scary. But I won’t watch it, since I’m already pretty much sure that a ghost lives in the crawl space in my bedroom. What else? Alien is scary, and so is Poltergeist and The Mothman Prophecies. The Others was creepy and atmospheric. 2004 Dawn is my all-time favourite movie (not sure what that says about my sophisticated movie tastes). The first 20 minutes? Amazing. I also agree with you about 28 Days Later/28 Weeks Later and Se7en (although that one’s a different kind of scary).

    • All good ones! We own Mothman Prophesies, that probably should have made the list. I thought Paranormal Activity was really scary too. It’s funny – I don’t believe in demons or anything but those supernatural movies still totally creepy me out.

  5. Mad props for including Cabin Fever and High Tension. I didn’t see the end coming AT ALL in High Tension either. I agree with almost everything on your list. The one I can watch over and over is Demon Knight. It’s funny and disgusting and at the height of Billy Zane being hot as shit. Also, I thought Stir of Echoes was pretty awesome. I can keep watching that one again and again.

    I see someone mentioned Mothman Prophecies. I hated that one, but probably because my husband kept answering “chaaaaaaaapstick” to me everytime I asked him for a month after we saw that movie. Kinda killed it.

    House of 1000 Corpses is dear to me because that’s the last movie I got IDed for. I’ll always remember you, box office lady.

  6. Hehe Diabeeetus. LOL

    I’m with ya on Cabin Fever (so good). I loved Scream. The Dawn of the Dead remake. Walking Dead is a fantastic tv show.

    Poltergeist, Exorcist are all on my list too.

  7. I remember the first time I saw The Shining and it pretty much messed with my head forever (still don’t like creepy, empty hotel hallways), but that’s ONE of the movies that I actually will watch. I’m pretty much just a pansy ass when it comes to scary movies. My sleep is just too important to me.

  8. When I was a kid, my dad took me to see “Star Trek: The Motion Picture.” I don’t know why … Anyway, there was a preview of “The Shining” before the movie and it scared the shit out of me. I had nightmares for weeks. Guess what happened when I finally saw the movie as an adult? It scared the shit out of me, and I had nightmares for weeks.

  9. I am fascinated by how much people love them but I am too scared to even watch your clips….trying to think if I have ever even seen a horror movie. I’ll get back to you.

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