I MADE A LIST OF MOVIES! SOMEBODY PAY ME!
It’s that time of year again, and since I won’t be running in any Halloween 5ks or almost falling into any bonfires after drinking Arctic Panzer Wolf, I’ll be celebrating by watching as many horror movies as I can get my hands on and eating candy corn until I puke. (To my daughter: sorry in advance for the diabeetus.)
Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order.
Cabin Fever (2002). Classic gorefest. Dumb and awesome at the same time.
Martyrs (2008). I’m lying. I will probably never have the balls to watch this movie again unless I am blind drunk, but it had to go on the list because it still haunts me to this day. French horror films consistently prove one thing: the French are le sick.
High Tension/Haute Tension (2005). Another French horror film. Looking back, maybe it should have been predictable but I never caught on. It’s real gritty and dark, with a very eloquently orchestrated twist at the end.
It (1990). But to be honest, without Tim Curry it probably would have sucked.
Night of the Living Dead (1968). Can’t not mention. It’s been a Halloween staple in my home for years. My husband actually keeps wood scraps in the shed in the event of a zombie attack.
Dawn of the Dead (2004). Yes, the remake. Sue me.
This is poor quality, but it’s one of the best scenes. Suck it up.
Seven (1995). Four words: “WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”
Do I have to say “spoiler alert” if the movie’s been out for 16 years?
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). This movie really messed me up. The grit and lack of special effects just make it all the more unsettling. (None of the remakes hold a candle to the original, but I will say that R. Lee Ermey is hysterical as Sheriff Hoyt in the 2003 remake and the 2006 prequel.)
28 Days Later (2002). I’m a big fan of apocalypsey horror films. And, this is important: it’s a rage virus, not a zombie outbreak.
Don’t worry: the monkeys win. Sort of.
Jacob’s Ladder (1990). First appearance in films of what I like to call “shaky people.”
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)/Devil’s Rejects (2005). Disturbing and hilarious. Devil’s Rejects gets bonus points for Brian Posehn cameo.
Evil Dead (1981)/Army of Darkness (1992). These almost don’t qualify as horror movies because they’re so damn funny. But they made the list nevertheless.
Candyman (1992). This is another one that really messed with my head. I think I was in a vulnerable place at the time (ie, stoned), which made it all the more disturbing. It’s sick and sad at the same time.
Scream (1996). This is THE teen slasher flick of my generation. It marked the beginning of a new era of horror films. Or some shit. Skeet Ulrich is hot. Huh-huh.
Insidious (2010). The more I think about it, the more this movie seems incredibly absurd. Right now. But then it’s 2 a.m. and it’s dark and I have to pee, and I swear that old lady is standing in the corner of my room…
Wolf Creek (2005). Only because I can’t stop saying “That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife.”
Disclaimer: Please, for the love of god, don’t watch this clip if you’re going to be a big fat whinypants about a few severed fingers, mkay?
Gothika (2003). Horror/crime thriller with the ultimate scary: dead little girls.
The Faculty (1998). Because of this:
Idle Hands (1999). Shut up, this is a great fucking film.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SCARY MOVIE?