a BS post…

Because I can no longer be expected to think or write in complete sentences…

Weeks pregnant: 34
Bags of candy corn I’ve eaten: 2
Times I wake up each night: 11
Times I wake up each night because I have to pee: 3
Number of times the cats have tried unsuccessfully to find a way to lay down on top of my belly: at least a dozen
Pounds I’ve gained: 27-30, depending on whether or not I’ve had a really good dump
Average number of days between really good dumps: 2
Trivia! Pounds Kara Goucher gained during pregnancy: 38
Miles I ran (mostly walked) last week: 4
Laps I swam: 20
Baby classes we’ve taken: 3
Pregnancy books I’ve read: 4
Times someone has asked me if I’ve popped that sucker yet: 3
Times someone has asked me if I’m craving pickles and ice cream: at least a dozen
Times I have actually craved pickles and ice cream: 0
Gwar concerts I didn’t go to last night: 1
People I have unfollowed on Twitter for posting Dexter Season 6 spoilers: 1
Belly photos I have posted on the blog: 2
Sips of my husband’s beer I had at dinner the other night: 1 (Upland Dragonfly, tasted divine.
Times I washed my hair last week: 2
Times I shaved my legs last week month: 2
Dreams I’ve had about giving birth: 50? (In the latest dream I was having contractions and I swear I actually felt them.)
Jobs I just resigned from: 1

Advertisements

36 thoughts on “a BS post…

  1. Dare I hope that your last line was a thinly-veiled announcement of quitting your job to become a full-time mommy/health blogger and we can now expect you to check in three times per day?

  2. Sweet freedom! Congrats on sticking it to the man. Which is ironic because this whole knocked up situation is a direct result of a man sticking it to you. HEYO.
    PS post another belly picture. Kthanxloveyoumeanit.

  3. And this is still better written than most posts I read. Congrats on resigning — I’m sure it feels like a huge weight off. Been there.

    New career = mommy blogger?? I don’t see any other possible path for you.

  4. I feel like I should comment on your job resignation, but instead I’m going to tell you that I have also eaten 2 bags of candy corn. In the past week. And I’m not pregnant.

  5. I love Upland IPA and I miss now that I don’t live in IN anymore. If quitting your job means you’re going to post more, then hooray! Your blog is the shit.

    • ::Blushing:: Thanks! Probably less for a while, then so often you’ll grow to hate me…like everyone else.
      Yeah – one sip was just a tease. Of course the first beer I have post-baby will probably knock me on my ass!

  6. A resignation. That’s big news. I agree with previous commenters. You should definitely be a full-time mommy/health blogger. You could post daily homemade baby food recipes and write flowery weekly letters to your baby. If you want to post 3 times a day, you could add humourous photos of poop or vomit, because who doesn’t love a good poop/vomit photo? (Have you seen this website? http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/ )

  7. You quit your job? What a dumb-ass. That’s what you do after the 3 months. You must have gone to the wrong classes. OK, I’m sure your ads for zulily are gonna clothe that kid. Never mind. I’m clicking now.

    Sorry about asking about popping out the baby. Didn’t know I’d be a statistic. And what the fuck is a Gwar?

    I was hoping you told me it was a boy the other day because I have some clothes I’d send. Maybe next kid, right?

    Oh, and candy corn digests the same way as normal corn.

    Beer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s