about your turkey trot…

So my computer’s on the fritz again, and the timing couldn’t be better: just when I actually NEED a home computer and can’t do all my blogging from work anymore (lolskies).

Last night when I tried to turn it on, the error message said:

PXE E53: No boot file name received.

PXE-M0F: Exiting Intel Boot Agent.l
No bootable device — insert boot disk and press any key.

Anyone? And please don’t tell me to set my primary linux partition to “boot” or I will eat your face.

Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, gently insert your thumb into your ass and just keep waiting.

In the meantime, I know a bunch of you are going to be doing Thanksgiving fun runs tomorrow, and I would just like to encourage you not to mention them to me, because this joke of a race happens to be my favorite one of the entire year and I’m bitter I can’t run it. (And I am not walking 4.5 miles just on principle, so don’t ask.)

But here are some unsolicited tips on how best to run YOUR Turkey Trot/Drumstick Dash/Gobble Gallup/what have you:

Don’t…

  • get in the front of the pack and run five abreast.
  • get in the front of the pack unless you can do a 6:00 mile.
  • carry water.
  • pace yourself.
  • strip down to your shorty shorts and jog laps around the parking lot before the race. It’s a FUN RUN. Get over yourself.
  • complain that it’s cold.
  • tell everyone around you, multiple times, that you’re “just doing this for the turkey!” We first heard that joke back around the time the pilgrims were running 8Ks, and it’s not funny anymore.

Do…

  • get drunk tonight. It’s only four miles, you pussy. And throwing up will just make you hungrier for Thanksgiving dinner.
  • dress up like an idiot. Wear cliched and culturally insensitive Native American regalia and gigantic turkey tail feathers. It’s your day.
  • leave your Garmin at home.
  • bring canned goods for the food drive.
  • find an appropriate pace group to run with. Even though it’s a fun run, there will still be some assholes gunning for a PR. Best that you and your gigantic turkey tail feathers stay out of their way.
  • take advantage of hot coffee/cocoa before the race.
  • gun for a PR. Just don’t whine if somebody wearing gigantic turkey tail feathers ruins it for you.

Any important tips I have left out?

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18 thoughts on “about your turkey trot…

  1. No tips, just my hearty commiserations on the misery that is being reminded of fun runs you can’t do. I just got my reminder to sign up for the Freezer 5K (this would be my third year) and I wanted to cry at the thought that I wouldn’t get a chance to get a matching knee scar to go with the one I got at it last year–not to mention that my elf antlers with snow headband will go unused. OK, maybe I DID cry.

    And I’ll probably be mad as hell tomorrow when I think of people doing Turkey Runs (and THEN getting to eat real turkey dinners).

    Next year, I guess–we can toast to that.

    • I ran some REALLY good races last year around this time and I’m just hoping they won’t be PRs forever. And every time I get an email from one of my race organizations, I want to cry.
      Here’s to kicking some serious fun run ASS next year.

  2. I must be that asshole who wants to PR. I also like play the angry woman of color card and reminding white people dressed in tacky Indian costumes that their costume is offensive and racist. A real buzz kill!

    The turkey trots around here are not 8Ks. Also, I ran mine on Sunday, no one was dressed up except the dude at the finish line high giving the runners.

    • Oddly, I have PRed at my Thanksgiving run the last two years, I just have to remember that I’m probably going to be outnumbered by the people in tacky costumes and try not to hold it against them. (Even though we all know that’s not my nature and I will scowl and curse them under my breath the whole way…maybe that’s why I run it so fast.)

  3. There is a $50 gift certificate to a pizza place on the line at my Turkey Trot (BIG MONEY PRIZES), so I am out for blood and hell if I’ll be adorning myself with headdresses and turkey feathers. That crap creates wind drag I can’t afford to contend with if I expect to come away with the promise of free pizza.

    On second thought, I might dress up as a pilgrim and carry a musket so I can shoot anyone who gets in my way.

  4. One more DON’T for race directors: Don’t oversell your race. Even if it’s for a charity. Especially if you allow dogs and small children in the race. It’s just unsafe and frustrating.

  5. Pingback: pre-thanksgiving blather |

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