please stand by: new baby edition

It’s 4 a.m., I have a dual breast pump strapped to my juggies, and I’m trying to think of something prolific to say about childbirth and simultaneously seeing to a troll-type who is earnestly replying to every comment on a couple of my old posts.Β I don’t know how you mom bloggers do it.

This announcement is a week late so it’s probably rather anticlimactic (and also shallow and pedantic), but I did want to share the news of our new baby friend and obviously, wallow in my glory a bit…

Kenzie Ryan made her grand entrance December 11 at 4:17 p.m. She was a teency 6 pounds 12 ounces, 21 inches long, and cone-headed. I’m currently working on the birth recap to end all birth recaps, but since I can only manage to type about one sentence at a time, you’ll have to wait a little longer. In the meantime, enjoy some photos of our loinfruit:

Looks like my 10 step program worked, eh?

For those of you wondering what kind of food it was that actually threw me into labor, it was leftover-Thanksgiving-turkey enchiladas and Spanish rice.

And for those of you who are concerned the baby is going to ruin this blog, you’re probably right.

P.S. Thanks, Rob!


39 thoughts on “please stand by: new baby edition

  1. Hello, Cone-Headed Kenzie!
    Best Pregnancy/Baby recap ever. The first one that doesn’t make me hate babies. I think Kenzie is lovely (probably because she’s sleeping and calm…I don’t like pics of babies crying and throwing a tantrum, it makes me irritated, as if I can hear them).
    That milk and beers in the fridge together = Hilarious.

  2. I feel like in the pink zebra onesie, she is giving the Trump “yah’ fired” hand, and it makes me kind of want to squeal. But so so so so adorable. Well done.

    • That’s my favorite one! She ended up being so small that only the newborn clothes fit her, of which we have all of three. So she gets pink zebra like, every other day.

  3. Congrats again! She really is a cute baby, conical head or not. I like how in the zebra pic, you (or whose ever hand that is) are giving her kitty belly scratches. She looks like she has a rockin’ tan in that pic, too!

    I have a bone to pick, though. The ads on your sidebar are now showing me something about HOW TO GET PREGNANT FOR OLDER WOMEN. Bitch.


  4. Don’t forget to include in the birth recap 15 healthy ways to eat the after birth. Complete with gratuitous multiple angle photos.

  5. You guys make cute kids! I think you did a good recap already πŸ˜‰ She is an adorable little thing. Enjoy snuggling with her. Me personally? I love sniffing them. Best. Smell. Ever. Congrats, girl! Welcome to the world of kick ass, metal head moms!! UNITE!

  6. The fact that adorable baby was just referred to as your loinfruit has your blog sitting pretty in my Reader! Hilarious!

    The concept of motherhood and childbirth scare the crap out of me but apparently the bio clock is clicking…I’ve been soaking up all the details shared by the new bloggy moms, so bring it on. {and please convince me that caring for an ornery cat is a far better choice than actually birthing a child…please?! stop this bio clock, please!}

    • I was pretty lukewarm about having a baby until just this year. My husband was the one who always really wanted one. And now I’m just butt crazy in love with her and so glad we did it. BUT it is definitely easier to raise ornery cats– I could tell you all about getting up every hour and a half to feed her, the way she pooped in my hand during her first bath, my irrational fear that she will stop breathing the minute I go to sleep, and the way this dear child has already ravaged my poor nipples…

      Does that help? πŸ˜‰

  7. I feel a little happy that Mexican food did the trick. Of course it would! Have you seen the birthrates in Mexico?

    Also, happy one week of being out of the womb to Kenzie! Congratulations to you and your husband. She’s adorable. (I don’t say that about newborns unless I actually mean it. Most of them are so funny looking.)

    • Oh, I know right? I know I’m the mom and biased but I thought she was stunning straight out of the womb. And yeah– I took a photo of the enchiladas, just in case. They will henceforth be known as the turkey enchiladas of labor.

  8. I already said congratulations and can’t match the other mommies’ cheese anyway.

    So you have the only 4 Dogfish beers in the state. Not ready to start drinking yet, I guess? Be sure to grab the right bottle at feeding time.


    • Yep, have to wait a while. They say you need at least two hours for it to clear the milk and I feed her (what seems like) every five minutes or so. But I drool all over them every time I open the fridge and have forbidden anyone else from touching them.

  9. She is so precious! Enjoy your cone-headed baby sasspot–just make sure you’re not so tired that you end up drinking the bottle and giving her the beer (she should probably start on less fancy beer, I’d imagine, until she develops a taste for the good stuff…)

    Oh, and I’m putting “turkey enchiladas of labor” on the food menu for March 20 to ensure a timely Uterus Moving-Out day for my Miss Thing.

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