let off some steam, baby

.18: the number of miles (number of mile?) from home we were the baby declared she and the stroller were fucking done professionally.

Of course, having just RUN two miles, which is about all I can manage with the stroller (while the baby sat on her plump, lazy ass the whole time, I might add), I didn’t have a lot left in the tank to continue to haul ass home for an emergency feeding, but I did anyway because that’s just the sort of kind and selfless mom I am. Kenzie wanted milk, AGAIN; I treated myself to a stale cup of cold coffee, or as I just started calling it as I was typing this, ghetto iced coffee. You’ll get the recipe in my forthcoming memoir.

Anyway, I’m thrilled for springtime. I’ll be honest: being cooped up inside the house all winter was like a dry fuck. Wake up at 3 or 4 or 5 a.m. and by 9:15 or so we’d read all the books and played with all the toys and I’d completely run out of ways to entertain us and we were both bored silly. Now that I can (sleep) take her for walks and jogs, we’re both much less stabby.

But watch out for her baby brass knuckles (not shown).

And I think I’m finally getting the hang of running again. My crotch and the incision on my uterus* are still achy when I finish, but my pace is creeping up and my legs are starting to feel (and look) less like jello when I run.

The baby's legs still look like jello.

Some things:

  • I am “up to” seven miles a week;
  • I can run three miles without stopping;
  • If you call a 10:30 pace “running,” and if you’re me you have to;
  • I’m out of the dreaded 11s, and I’ve even -briefly- seen some 9:40s and 50s on the Garmin;
  • Of which I still cannot shuffle myself loose;
  • I can run two miles pushing my petite baby in her ballin’ stroller;
  • I can do this at just under an 11:00 pace;
  • Which I think is pretty spectacular;
  • I deserve a beer.


Doggie Style Pale! I don’t remember this beer being all that memorable, but this one was fantastic. Perfect amount of citrus, nice hoppy bite and a smooth finish. I only drank one, but I could easily have drank three more, and if I really put my mind to it, probably another one after that. (Side note: you know how sometimes you know you’re wasted but you still just want one more beer? And then you open one and take like, four sips of it and pass out and when you wake up there’s a full beer on the coffee table and you hate yourself? That’s always when I starting thinking about going back to the Meetings, but then I remember those people are lunatics and I go on with my life.)

Anyway, I am attending a stroller workout class tomorrow. I KNOW. But I’m going to give it a chance because I want more mom friends. I don’t expect them all to be heavy metal beer drinking moms, but I might get lucky.


*I will be just as glad as you when the day comes that I can stop talking about my uterus on my blog. Until then, SUCK IT UP.

And to make up for all the above cuteness and fuckery:

Let off some steam, Bennett


21 thoughts on “let off some steam, baby

    • We could start a cool mom group where we put all our babies in a kennel (because safety first!) and we drink and talk about how stupid other people are. It would be beautiful. ::tear!::

    • I hope I never have to see what I look like running with it. I feel totally awkward and ridiculous…and I don’t need any help looking that way.

  1. My daughter completely loses her shit after like 5 minutes in the running stroller. She was amazing when I used the car-seat insert but now that she faces forward she hates it, and that sucks.
    That last picture of her is awesome!

    • Heh, thanks! I’ve been lucky the past couple times. If she’s fed she’s usually pretty agreeable. But there have been times that we get 50 yards down the block and have to turn right back around. =)

  2. 1. You are showing your baby’s nipples

    2. Are you pregnant again?

    3. Doggie Style? Nice beer and well timed.

    4. Is your kid showing a gang gun sign in the last pic?

  3. I agree with Sonia…I don’t have teh behbehs yet, but I do love beer. Yay for running progress! Pushing the stroller = speed work. Or so would think.

    • Oh I know right? I envisioned myself doing like 80 mile trecks with her sitting there all serene and peaceful. I can usually go about 45 minutes, so when I’m faster I’ll be able to cover more ground in that time!

  4. I love babies that throw gang signs. She’s wearing blue, so I’ll assume she’s a crip.
    Also, I want a full review of this stroller workout class thing because it sounds…interesting. Yeah. I’ll go with interesting.

    Also note, 6 months on and my incision still “hurts” sometimes. More like just makes me aware it is there.

  5. That’s awesome that you are working your way back. I took a break from running and I’m trying to get back at it. Ridiculous, but I am so happy that I am back to running 1.65 mile at a time. 😛 I run about 4 miles a week now. Slowly but surely.

    Adorable baby and kitty!

  6. That “werd” pic is hilarious!!

    As for mom’s pushing the lazyazzed babes in strollers while running- that is something else- BRAVO I say! I am seriously impressed with that, 11’s and all.

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