So it turns out I am one of three remaining people on the planet who still tolerates gluten. Hell, I not only tolerate the shit…
But a bunch of people are trying to tell me that gluten is responsible for everything that’s wrong with me:
- Weight gain
- Weight loss
- Explosive diarrhea
Friends, I’ll not be so easily swayed. It’s my contention that a diet heavy in rye, barley, wheat and yes, plenty of OATS(!) is what my body craves. Gluten is not the disease, it’s the cure!
First of all, I have been eating gluteny things for pretty much my whole life, and look how great I am.
Two, beer has gluten in it, and I’ve never regretted a beer, ever. (I have often, however, regretted seventh beers.)
Three, gluten has definitely helped me become a faster runner! When I have a meal that is heavy in gluten, it’s almost like I’m wearing a jet pack!
Plus, have you ever noticed how diarrhea totally gives you that sinewy, gaunt look?
And four, that gluten “brain fog” they’re always talking about really isn’t such a bad thing. It’s kind of like being stoned, and a lot cheaper!
If you’re wondering how to get started, this traditional Mexican-American fare of fajitas, quesadillas and tortilla chips are a tasty and gluten-full treat.
You might think that corn tortillas wouldn’t have a lot of gluten in them, but these are special corn-wheat tortillas (for real), which I think are lighter and fluffier than regular corn tortillas. And a surefire way to tell if there’s gluten in something is if it’s fluffy!
Anyway, all this talk about gluten is making me hungry for more gluten! Off I go!
Do you like gluten? What kinds of gluteny things do you like to eat?