things I should have done a long time ago

Bought new running shoes. 

Adizeros, and they are like being weightless and naked and on PCP on a cloud in heaven.

I look really skinny from the ankles down.

Ended my running streak.

I started feeling something wonky in my right shin a couple of days ago and knew that I couldn’t carry on with this silliness for much longer without hurting myself. But the last two days were fanfuckingtastic:

Day 29: 3 miles in 27:08

Day 30: 2 miles in 18:00

I haven’t run without the stroller in a couple of weeks, so when I ran sans baby Friday and Saturday, I found my speed had improved considerably. I might try another 30-day streak when I’m in better shape, but for now my goal is to run five days a week and work up to 20 miles a week. AND BUILD STRENGTH. I might post some more thoughts on the value (or non-value) of streaks here in a little while. Or I might not.

Cut my hair.

After another few weeks went by with me still vacuuming up my hair off the bathroom floor and pulling strands of hair off the baby’s hands before she could put them in her mouth, and pulling strands of hair out of the shower drain and out of the crack of my ass, I was finally fed up enough to take decisive action and cut it all off. It’s probably the shortest it has ever been, but it feels marvelous. And considering I’ve probably “done” my hair maybe twice in the last six months (meaning blow dry, brush, straighten, what have you), there was no sense in me having long hair anyway. Goodbye and good riddance.

I cut off a school bus and ran over a flock of baby geese to snap this photograph for you.

Had a nap.

Lately, for shits and giggles (literally) the kid has been waking up at 3 a.m. After a few consecutive nights on no sleep (I might be exaggerating), my husband ordered me back to bed and even took the baby for a run so the house would be empty and quiet. I crashed for two hours and it was (quite literally) the best two hours of my life. I thought this was pretty serious until I read some baby forums (never a good idea) and realized that having a 6 month old who occasionally wakes up once during the night is really not that bad. I guess I just feel cheated because it’s never happened until now. I probably need to address my privilege.

Taken the baby to a beer party.

Relax, kids were invited. I’m not that asshole who gets invited to a party and goes, “oh hey, is it cool if I bring my KID?” And the host doesn’t want to be a dick so he’s like, “well, uh, you know, there’s probably not going to be any other kids, and there’s going to be a bonfire and sharp objects and group sex and you know, I just don’t know if she’d have any fun, but you’re welcome to bring her…”

We only stayed for an hour and a half because it ended up being hot as balls and wearing a baby in a scalding black Moby wrap while sweat drips down the crack of your ass (that’s ass crack remark #2 for anyone who’s counting!) is not good for anybody, but Kenzie had fun(ish) and more importantly, I didn’t have to drive so I got a good buzz on.

This was image stolen from Facebook without permission.

Gone the fuck to bed.


7 thoughts on “things I should have done a long time ago

  1. I just bought new shoes, in anticipation of my triumphant return to running NEXT WEEK! WOO! Nice job on the running streak. Also – very cute hair. (I am waiting for mine to start falling out so I, too, can get a fancy new haircut.)

  2. Bless you for your group sex excuse when people try to bring kids to things. I will now use that every time.
    Um, except your kid. That would be totally cool…

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