So the thing is, I made the very bad decision to accompany my husband on a business trip all the fuck the way across the country to the grunge capital, Seattle. With the baby. I know a lot of people have made the very bad decision to fly across the country with a baby much earlier, but I have shown uncharacteristically good judgment until now. Of course, it had to end some time. But it’s a really nice hotel and I don’t get out much SO THROW ME A FRICKIN’ BONE HERE. I also even somehow scammed me some free WiFi in the room which is how I am talking to you right now.
I started writing a post before we left about all my baby-travel anxieties, and never ended up finishing it, but I thought I’d share it with you anyway, as well as what actually ended up happening. (Spoiler: I was pretty fucking spot-on.)
Before we left: I have never breastfed in public. A lot of people who are busier and more popular than me have breastfed in restaurants, football stadiums, cars, gas station bathrooms, Greyhound buses and crack dens and handled it just fine, but I never have. Since we’ll be in airports and in transit for the better part of the day, the milk is going to have to go somewhere or else my fucking tits will explode. A super, duper, duper way to break my public breastfeeding cherry. It’s just a shame I can’t be drunk while I’m doing it.
What actually happened: Breastfeeding in public sucks. Even more so on an airplane. But I got through it and so did Kenzie and so did the poor hipster college kid who had the misfortune of sitting next to us on the four-hour flight from ORD to SEA. I used one of those nursing cover/apron thingies and I think it was pretty discreet. Or it would have been discreet if Kenzie had not insisted on grabbing it and pulling it off me every five seconds. To the old man on his way to the john who got a peep of my right nipple: pay me.
Before we left: I’m just worried about being the asshole on the plane with the screaming baby. I never had a lot of sympathy for those people in my former life and I pretty much feel the same way now. But my baby has never been fussy, or a screamer, and my theory is that if you know your baby well enough, you don’t have to be that asshole. I’m hoping I prove myself right.
What actually happened: I love being right. She was so, so good! She didn’t cry once, and the one time she started to get whiny, I just put my tit in her mouth and she shut right up (that trick works with just about anyone, really). The altitude didn’t seem to cause her ears any discomfort at all. She did have an outfit-changing blowout on the plane and then the second time I changed her, she peed all over the new outfit so she arrived in Seattle wearing a hoodie and a diaper. Classy!
Before we left: I am nervous about messing with the baby’s very delicate sleep schedule, and if there’s one thing the Pacific Northwest is notorious for, it’s being in the Pacific time zone. So when we get there at 5 p.m., it’s basically going to be her bedtime. This makes it extremely fucking likely she’ll be up for the day at 3 a.m.
What actually happened: She did wake up at 3 a.m., but I somehow coaxed her back to sleep until 5:30.
Before we left: We have to sleep in the same room as the baby for the first time since her birth. (I think I maybe mentioned a while back that Kenzie fucking hated the bassinet, so we put her in her crib around the second week and she’s slept in there ever since.) I’m assuming she’ll hate whatever deathtrap baby bed the hotel provides us.
What actually happened: She hated the deathtrap baby bed the hotel provided us and ended up sleeping in between us in the grownup bed. Also, since she sacked out so early, we were relegated to eating takeout in the room, whispering, and watching TV with the sound muted. But a tired, cranky baby can ruin your life, so for purely selfish reasons, we do whatever it takes to make sure she’s well-rested and happy.
What’s actually going on right now: We had fun this morning exploring the waterfront and Pike Market, and now she’s taking a nap–SCORE! This evening, I’m having dinner with one of my Seattle friends, and tomorrow, meeting up with my cousin. See you back in EDT. Please think happy thoughts for our return flight, and if you wind up in the seat next to me, bring some singles.