open bowels, open post

I had grand ambitions of running 10 miles today until shortly after breakfast when I first began to feel queasy and clammy. That quickly progressed to me shitting and puking my brains out for the rest of the day. And if any of you ask if I am pregnant I will set you on fire.

Doing anything more strenuous than blinking sent waves of nausea all the way down to my toenails. Even after there was no longer anything left inside of me to puke/shit and as the outside temperature climbed into the 90s, I still felt wretched and the day was wasted. Running was absolutely out of the question.

I have not thrown up in almost 10 years and I find it crushing and so uninspirational that I had to break that streak today. And I didn’t even have the luxury of getting blind drunk before the violent attack of fuckery to my bowels. But two things worked in my favor: 1) my parents are here to watch the baby so I didn’t have to drag her with me to the bathroom every five minutes and 2) I begin my weeks on Mondays, so I still have a chance to get my 10 in tomorrow.

Binding foods only.

Anyway, I know it’s Saturday night and most of you are out doing interesting things that don’t involve being on the internets, but this is an open post, so it’s your big chance to come out of the woodwork and be as tacky and crass as you want. Make it good.

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5 thoughts on “open bowels, open post

  1. Honestly, it was great to hear about your shit and puke. We had a fake hurricane warning for an entire week. Lots of rain and wind but nothing major. But about 30 min ago we had a real fucking tornado alert. Fuck. I got my one drowsy kid from bed and took the other to the laundry room. Played cars for 20 min. Sucked.

    • Your fake hurricane delayed my parents flight by 15 hours, thanks a lot asshole!
      For some reason I am less scared of hurricanes than tornadoes. Because at least you can see them coming for like a week. Tornadoes just pop up out of nowhere. Glad you guys are okay though. (OH SHIT I SAID SOMETHING NICE TO YOU.)

  2. I am fresh out of witty banter today…but I will say that I have an irrational fear of the stomach flu/virus. Good thing I just had kids. Inevitable. *shudders*

    Hope you are better!

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