there goes my last shred of dignity

I ran my fastest 10k ever today, in 54:20, in three loops around the tw0-mile fitness trail at the YMCA with my cell phone and keys jangling around in my pocket, just like the elites.

I celebrated with a Bacon Maple ale, a collaborative effort by Rogue and Voodoo Doughnut that I fully expected to be revolting but bought anyway because it’s been a long time since I drank a novelty beer and because fuck you, that’s why.

It tastes suspiciously like drinking a campfire after you’ve just had waffles. Really, really smokey with a sticky sweet maple syrup finish that made me feel like sipping it was going to make my lips greasy.

It’s either 6.5% or 5.6% ABV, either of which in my opinion is not enough ABVs by far. If you’re going to make a bacon beer, you need to make it be at least, at least an 8%. Preferably more like 18%. I feel like this needed to burn on the way down and it did not.

I also felt…full after. But not in the satisfying way. I felt full in the way that you feel full when you want a really good meal but you’re so hungry you just don’t care, so you go to IHOP and then you hate yourself.

Bottom line: if you’re curious what a bacon maple beer tastes like and if you respect the other works of Rogue, and yeah, if you like doughnuts, go ahead and pick one up. But if it’s an adult beverage you’re after, you’re better off pouring this over ice, adding a couple fingers of Johnny Walker Black and topping it off with Navan. And it would be called a Johnny Brown Hog.

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13 thoughts on “there goes my last shred of dignity

  1. Pfffft, I had that back in April when I picked up a bottle at Rouge Brewery itself. I was so damn pleased with myself that I shipped another bottle of it back to SC, took it to my favorite bar, was easily the coolest and most popular person there for at least 15 minutes…………..imagine my dismay that months later, it’s now widely available all over the effing country.

    So fuck you with your delayed beer reviews because that shit is SO 7 months ago. *yawn*

    Also, nice run. ❤

  2. My sister lives in Portland and brought me a bottle of this back east last time she came. It’s been in my fridge since then because every time I want a beer, I want an actual beer. Seems you’ve confirmed this ain’t it. Thanks.

  3. This Beer that they are trying to sell for $13 or $14 will eventually be on the “get rid of” rack for $5 and i’ll try to get 2 for $6 at that point to really try

    • We don’t get a whole whole lot of the Rogue beers around here, at least at the store by my house. My favorite has always been the Double Dead Guy. I’ll keep an eye out! …It really wasn’t HORRIBLE, just a little much for a 22 oz bomber. A 4 or even an 8 oz taste would have been plenty. (But it kills me to pour out beer so I had to drink the whole thing!)

  4. I felt VERY conflicted about that beer when I tried it a few months ago. I should say that I was roughly twelve glasses of vodka punch deep when I gave it a go, so I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. Objectively, I don’t see how there could be anything wrong with it.

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