I’m done breastfeeding, bring on the Four Loko (GIVEAWAY!)

This weeks marks the official end to my breastfeeding career. We had a nice run, but things were starting to get awkward and I didn’t want to be one of those moms at P.F. Chang’s with a three-year-old anchored to her boob. I ended up being fine with breastfeeding and maybe even enjoyed it a tiny bit and actually felt a little wistful when the time came to dip the chip and end it. But it’s quite a relief that I am no longer sharing nutrients with another human being and can go back to destroying my body, guilt-free.

I can have caffeine, I can have alcohol, and I can have it whenever I want, including first thing in the morning. ESPECIALLY first thing in the morning. So why not have a drink that contains both of these things, and so many other things that are terrible for my body?

I can’t think of any better way to celebrate than by cracking open a giant can of Four Loko.

Let’s get awake-drunk, y’all!

Only problem is, I don’t even think you can get this stuff in Indiana, and even if you could, I don’t want to run the risk of looking trashy by walking into a gas station with my baby and buying a “FRUITY PACK OF LOUD. BUBBLING WITH UNINHIBITED JUICES.

So. The terms of this giveaway are as follows: buy me a Four Loko and I will drink it and record it on video for posterity and post it on the blog, and AND I’ll send YOU something terrible in return.

Just leave me a comment telling me the most unhealthy thing you’ve ever done to yourself and I’ll select a winner sometime next week, whenever I feel like it. Bonus entry if you tweet a link to this post using the hashtag #letsgetawakedrunkyall. As far as exchanging addresses and actually sending the shit as promised, we’re just going to have to trust each other, right?

Happy Holidays!


16 thoughts on “I’m done breastfeeding, bring on the Four Loko (GIVEAWAY!)

  1. You can buy it here, but it doesn’t have caffeine in it anymore. In other words, it’s just shitty canned “apple” flavored liquor. A can to you if you truly want it, but you don’t.

  2. Ha! The other day Willow (my dog) was licking a Watermelon Four Loko can in my neighbors yard. My dog is thuggish like that.

    I’m sure we can get them here. Florida is like the wild, wild west or some shit.

  3. I actually said that a few times when people asked me if I was done. I said “Yep! Back to destroying my body with legal drugs.” Like minds.

    I don’t think we can get the real Four Loko here, either. I’ve seen it but I think it’s sans caffeine now. You could create a similar effect with a Red Bull vodka. Actually go for Red Bull Stoli Peach.

  4. You dipped the chip… you took a bite, and you dipped again.
    You can’t even buy wine at the grocery store or beer in a gas station in PA. In fact, anytime I find myself somewhere that you CAN buy beer in a gas station, it always blows my mind. Because..I mean… BEER IN A GAS STATION.

  5. Actually I think Indiana is the ONLY place you can get Four Loko. Because the one time I’ve had it, it was purchased at a liquor store in Hammond. This was … maybe a year ago? And that counts as my entry into the most unhealthy thing I’ve done to myself. Oh, that and consumed deep fried oreos. TOTES DELISH. (I assume we’re leaving illegal activities out of this? Not that I’ve ever … I mean … what now? Where am I? Uncle Leo?)

  6. There’s Four Loko readily available all over the south (because we be trashy y’all heeeeey) but yeah, it’s not as fun/”dangerous”/ridiculous/blackout-inducing as it was a couple years ago before people got all antsy about it. Fuck off and let people booze how they want to!

    That said, I’m all about drinking in the morning. You can’t say you drank all day if you didn’t start before breakfast.

  7. Before I leave a comment, what is the prize. Never mind.

    Four Loko? You were pregnant when they banned the real shit. Now I don’t think they put the caffeine in it. Regardless, skip that bullshit. It’s a sweet alcoholic mess suitable for a Ron Artest appearance in Indy. Oh, you’re interested?

    Most unhealthy? That Southern Comfort in the pounder pepsi bottle was not a good decision before that frat party in 1991. Jump Around? Yeah, LOL. More like eat a loaf of bread and puke it all up. Marky Mark? Yeah, mark the place where I became an unwelcome guest of that stupid frat. At least I wasn’t naked doing YMCA dances across the street.

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