about that treadmill

Before I got a case of the BEBEHS, I didn’t belong to a gym and I ran outside ALL THE TIME. Indianapolis has approximately three days of nice weather a year, the other 362 days are either hot as balls or cold as fuck. Or tornadoes. Or I’m drunk. But because I had no alternative, I sucked it up and ran. When there was snow, I ran in Yaktrax, when the roads were icy, I ran on trails. When it was 100 degrees outside, I ran early in the morning or worse, postponed my evening beer (or sometimes didn’t) and waited until after dark to go running.

Belonging to a gym does have its perks. I have more options for cross-training and recovery, but it also means that I am now a giant pussy and run on the treadmill whenever it suits me. And I’ve been reading all kinds of blogs lately about running outdoors and they just make me feel like even more of a worthless waste of a human being. SO THANKS A LOT, OTHER BLOGS.

Yesterday, I ran 10 miles on the treadmill. In my defense, I still have a cold, and the LAST time I had a cold, it stuck with me for more than a month because I refused to stop running outdoors and allow my body time to heal. I’d be fine while I was running but then I’d lay awake all night hacking up a lung. This time around, I am still refusing to allow my body time to heal, but I’m running indoors so as not to aggravate my lungs any more than necessary. (Listening to your body: still overrated.)  I only ran outside one time this week: 3×1600 with half mile jogs in between for a total of five miles, and I left a glistening trail of snot in my wake.

The gym treadmills automatically stop at 30 minutes, I guess to deter people from hogging them when the gym is crowded. There’s one gimp treadmill that goes for an hour, but the it’s old and lopsided and I think they just assume if you’re stupid enough to run on it, it’s all yours. So yeah. But running in half hour increments does somewhat break up the monotony of the run. I did a progression, which is more an indication of my impatience rather than any desire for a quality workout. I started out in the 9:30s and ended at just under 8:00, about a 9:00 pace overall. It felt moderately hard (STOP IT JUST STOP) but I didn’t have trouble keeping up the faster pace over the last three miles. Best of all, my delicate bronchi are none the worse.

I AM going to do an OUTSIDE 5 mile race next month, the Indy Polar Bear. My goal is sub-40 and to not be sick anymore.


A long time ago I used to suck less.


19 thoughts on “about that treadmill

  1. Well if it makes you feel any better, I may be running outside, but I’ve been bitching and moaning about it so much I may as well get on the dreadmill. Actually I’m planning for February to just be one massive cross-training month at the gym because I’m so sick of this winter bullshit. I don’t know what’s wrong with me this winter. I’ve gone soft. Or last winter’s mildness ruined me forever.

  2. I grew up in NW Ohio, so I feel your pain. It was ALWAYS windy and cold. Or windy and humid. Or just windy. But seriously, don’t run outside if you are sick. I made that mistake yesterday and now I’m paying for it with a damn ear infection. It was also windy and I don’t even live in the midwest anymore! Wind follows me, I swear.

  3. I live in paradise and run on the treadmill often. This time of the year it’s gorgeous and all of my runs are outside. BUT, the other 8 months when its a bazillion degrees I sometimes have to hit the treadmill. If I don’t get out first thing in the morning or feel ok running after dark (not always safe since I live downtown and Fort Lauderdale has a lot of drunks) I have to hit the ‘mill.

    It sucks but it gets the job done.

    • Yeah, I guess I’m glad I have the option. I didn’t know what humidity was until I moved here. I had a sinus headache for the whole first year, I thought I was dying.

  4. Still mileage when running on the tready! Wish I had the patience, but my attention span is about -2 seconds…derp.

    • And it was Saturday morning, so nothing even decent on TV. Ordinarily i mock people who bring their Kindles/tablets to the gym but now I sort of get it. Sort of.

      • doesn’t that make them nauseous? focusing on that tiny little screen while bouncing? i’m embarrassed…i had to look up how to spell nauseous…

      • My gym has TV’s on the cardio equipment … granted they are a little bit bigger than tablets, but I’ve been able to watch them without getting nauseous.

  5. I don’t really get the treadmill hate. Sure, some might say it’s too different from racing conditions to be valuable, but honestly, how many pie-in-the-sky goal races do you run that typically occur in ice/wind/snow/extreme low temps? And I know it’s said to be easier somehow than running outside, but man, I disagree so hard… and I think there’s also a lot of good “mental” work you can accomplish on a treadmill, if that makes sense. At the end of the day (or at the beginning of the day, if that’s your thing), isn’t the best option whatever gets you out there?

    • …mental work. You mean like thinkin’ about yer FEELINGS?

      But yes, you’re right. Stupid voice of reason. XO

      I just think it’s boring! I try to do little games to make it more fun, so I’m not running at the SAAAAAME pace the whole way. Which probably also makes it a better workout.

  6. Maggie and company make me feel like a pussy, too. Treadmills are such a mind suck and I have yet to run over 6 miles on one since my last half marathon in October. I’ll continue to pretend 5-6 are my long runs and that I’m really just “crosstraining” all winter before the real training starts up again. Yeah… that’s totally what I’m doing…

      • Another advantage about outdoor running- you fly by people and they have little time to take in what they’re seeing. Whereas the treadmill? I was rocking the 3rd-day unwashed hair and my bestest cutoff shirt with the holes wearing in the collar with a sweat-stained bra and hairy legs.
        Come to mama…

  7. “I’m still sick” – want some cheese to go with that whine? Own your treadmilling.

    Fuck the other blogs. They’re TRYING to make you feel like a pussy. Do you think the fucking pioneers would have hiked across Donner Pass in the freezing-ass cold if they didn’t have to? Our forefathers would deem you smart not a pussy. Rock on.

    • Aaaahahahaha!! BOOM. Best comment ever. Thing is, I used to BE one of those assholes so I’m having to do a little pride-swallowing this season. Tastes like failure. And jizz.

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