the naked ass project and other first world problems

Disclosure funsies: I sort of stole this blog post idea from Maggie. She does a first world problems post on a semi-regular basis and she’s really funny so you should check her out. But read this first.

A few first-worldy things annoyed me today and one thing delighted me. We’ll start with the annoying.

Root canal! A toothache is a problem for all worlds; setting aside two and a half hours of your day of not even having a real job to sit in a chair and experience first-rate, pain-free dentistry while listening to early 90s adult contemporary music, and complaining about it, is exclusive to the first world. I didn’t even get the laughing gas.

I wasted two more hours of my life watching the terrible American remake of a terrible German horror movie. Due to a clerical error (my own) both versions of Funny Games were added to our Netflix queue and I forgot to delete the second disk before it shipped. It’s one of those movies where the bad guys are superhuman and the victims are dipshits who do everything wrong. They were so stupid, I wanted them to die. Worse still, the American version was a “compulsively faithful” and equally disappointing replica of the original. The only–and I mean ONLY–difference is that it starred Naomi Watts and Tim Roth instead of two German people. (I didn’t learn until just now that the same jerk directed both films.) But we watched it anyway. Because we pay 8 bucks a month for that shit and we’ll be damned if we don’t get every penny’s worth.

Reservoir Dogs me would kick my ass for being such a pussy.

Reservoir Dogs me would kick my ass for being in this movie.

My blog was down for a few hours and I had to wait 12 minutes to chat online with tech support.

Please enjoy this pretty butterfly while you wait for tech support to ask you if you're connected to the internet.

Please enjoy this pretty butterfly while you wait for tech support to ask you if you’re connected to the Internet.

This is my favorite: we can see through your $98 Lululemon yoga pants. Okay, so this isn’t MY first world problem, but it was too delicious not to include in this post. This, for me, was more gratifying than that news about the Ikea sweat shops. If you spent 98 bucks on these pants and didn’t even do the bend-over test in front of the fitting room mirror, you deserve exactly what you get.

my thong is also modest

Do you own the see-through Luons? What other first world problems have you bravely conquered this week? 

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14 thoughts on “the naked ass project and other first world problems

  1. Ah! I own them!! SHAME! Hahahaha! I had a good laugh about that news. I get tons of flack for buying such overpriced workout gear. Serves me right!

    • HA, wear it with pride! I admit I do own a couple of pairs of the Groove shorts and they are the tits. Still in great condition after several years. But I stick with the clearance rack at Target whenever possible. =)

  2. haha. I question anyone who spends $98 on pants that aren’t even real pants. it is mind-boggling. Also, I bet half of the people that bought those like the fact that they’re see-through. Thanks for cracking me up!

  3. I don’t even spend $98 on real live work clothes. I just spent yesterday at the Salvation Army buying work shirts because Wednesdays are half-price day and we can’t be buying full price used clothes, now, can we? So no, no million dollar stretchy pants for me.

    • Full priced clothes are overrated! I just wear the same old crap and hold onto the hope that my 1990s era Dr. Martens and boot cut jeans will be *in* again some day and THEN, I will be so stylish and edgy. I’m still waiting.

  4. In the start corral for a race last weekend, a woman was doing hamstring/IT stretches that involved copious folding herself over to the ground and allowing me to check out her white frump-ass granny panties through her too-thin black tights. I pointed this out to my male friend co-runner (who is gay and therefore saw this as a fashion faux pas and not a cheap thrill opportunity) and we debated whether it would be helpful, insulting, or too familiar of me to tap her on the shoulder and say “I think your tights might need to be retired.”

    What should I have done? Discuss.

    • Oh god, that’s tough! If you could have done it quietly, maybe. She probably would have been indignant initially, but I bet she’d be grateful later on. But I probably wouldn’t have said anything either. I’m feisty on this blog but in real-life I’m totally non-confrontational.

  5. I was so delighted with the Lululemon pants catastrophe that my husband heard about it, in detail and with appropriate scornful cussing, for about ten minutes of our precious quality time family walk yesterday. I pretty much jumped for joy when I heard of it, being the snarky cheapskate that I am. And then I went to Zumba in a Target tank top from the maternity clearance rack (from when I wasn’t even pregnant yet–and with a bike grease stain on it) and thought maybe I could use a little less cheapitude in my workout wear… Not Lululemon, but maybe FULL price Target fitness rack?

    • Now all we need is for some blogger to find a dead rat in a container of Chobani yogurt and all will be right with the universe. Fingers crossed!

  6. I’m so behind on my blog reading. I blame Google Reader. I used to just be able to click from Gmail to Reader, but now I have to remember to open a new tab and type in Feedly.com. ARGH. FWP.

    Anyway, the real credit goes to Sara aka Gingerfoxxx, I stole the FWP post idea from her, and she’s much funnier. http://rungingerfoxxxrun.blogspot.com/

    • Hee! I actually just started using Feedly, at your recommendation. I just dragged the link down into my chrome toolbar, but yeah: I won’t even watch a video that’s longer than 10 seconds so I totally get not having the patience to type in a web address. I have a dream that someday the entire internet will be accessible from one convenient dashboard.

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