So, I’m taking a couple of days off running while I wait for a new pair of running shoes to arrive. I waited way too long and I can’t run even five more steps in my current shoes so I’m kind of screwed. I know everybody else is all fancy and has 18 different pairs of running shoes, but I’m, I don’t know. Cheap? Stupid? I run in one pair of shoes.
I’m not a big deal runner anyway and I think I can get by on my 35 miles a week in one pair of shoes. If I decide to run another marathon (doubtful), I’ll probably have to rethink this strategy.
So until Thursdayish, I’ll be doing a little halfhearted weightlifting and some pool swimming, at which I suck. Other swimmers have tried to give me pointers, probably because they see some kind of raw talent in me they think they can mold. But I’m perfectly fine being a terrible swimmer, so I just thank them politely and go back back to gasping, thrashing, kicking, flailing and sputtering.
I’m slightly more capable of not making a fool of myself in the weight room than I am in the pool. I’ve grown accustomed to my routine of weight machines and free weights, and I also incorporate some of the squats and lunges I’ve ripped off from Jillian Michaels. I use the adductor/abductor machines simply because I’ve been using them since the beginning of time, but today it occurred to me that they are such a scam. And once I started thinking about it, it seemed obvious.
Now, I’ve never been one to source or research things I write for this blog, I think my intuition and my animated gifs are credibility enough.
But today, just to confirm my suspicions, I put my question to the twitterverse, which everyone knows is the best way to get reliable information from qualified experts. And 75% of respondents agreed with me.
I always knew I felt ridiculous, sitting there with my legs spread, trying to look like it wasn’t a big deal. And now I feel so, so validated.
If you’re not convinced yet:
A. I have never seen a guy use these machines. Ever.
B. Which leads me to believe these machines were created solely to take advantage of women’s insecurity about our flabby asses and thighs and they are utterly worthless.
The first rule of science: correlation equals causation.
So I think, without presenting any real evidence at all, I have shown some pretty conclusive evidence that these machines are criminally horseshit.
Thoughts? What other machines at the gym do you think are useless? How many pairs of running shoes do you have?