I’ve run a lot of races in my life and none of them were all that noteworthy, but now that I’m a mom, people are obligated to admire me for even the most meager of my accomplishments.
During my pregnancy, I daydreamed of all the amazing photos I’d post on my blog of me running races and my baby spectating. But I have literally run all of these races without conveying to the racing community and the blog world that I am a #motherrunner, so it’s pretty much all been in vain. At my last race, I doubt anyone there even knew that I was a mother!
It’s disappointing to know I’ve pretty much wasted the first year of my daughter’s life by not trucking her out to a bunch of races with me, and I don’t want you guys to make the same mistake! So here are some very important tips on how to be a #motherrunner. (The hashtag itself might be the most important detail of all.)
Obviously, you have to drag your baby (oh, and husband) out to the race. EVERY RACE. Your husband will be responsible for watching the baby and also for taking as many photos of you as possible. The strategy for photos are as follows:
- 4-5 mid-race shots. Husband should take at least a dozen so you can weed out the ones that make you look fat and tired and only use the ones that make you look breathless, yet exhilarated and skinny.
- At least 3 shots of you with the baby: one of you crouching next to the baby stroller, another photo of you standing next to the stroller so that every one can see the impressive gap between your thighs (oh, make sure to stand with your legs spread far enough apart so that there’s a gap between your thighs) and a photo of you standing and holding the baby (a great excuse to flex your biceps!).
- 1-2 beauty shots of just you, lest anyone forget who this is all about.
Other key components:
Complain about how early you had to wake up and how little your baby slept the night before the race.
Make sure to mention your baby’s age and remind readers how soon you began racing again after giving birth. You’ll want to link back to your birth story just in case someone hasn’t read it yet. Also link back to that post you wrote about how running is a lot like being pregnant/a lot like giving (drug free!) birth.
Include a few words about how much it means to you to have had your baby (oh, and husband) at the race to cheer you on. You’re so proud and you hope that by watching you race, your baby sees what a strong role model you are and might himself be inspired to start running someday.
Explain how difficult it’s been to make time in your busy schedule to train for this race and how running is you time and how even though you’ve struggled with your new identity, running really has made you a better mom.
Explain how even though you came in almost last, it doesn’t matter because your goals were not based on time anyway. Your goals are much more meaningful than that. Throw in a couple of self-deprecating remarks to help people appreciate how real you are.
After the race, document the celebratory brunch in your honor and explain how just this once, baby gets a treat. Because you’ve demonstrated how treats are only acceptable after you’ve burned a lot of calories.
Last, have fun with it! You are an inspiration and you can do no wrong. If you post two or three nearly identical photos of yourself, it will only serve to further emphasize your incredible performance.
Remember, it doesn’t matter that you ran if nobody knows you’re a mother.
I’m so busy, there’s probably a lot I’ve left out of this post! What are your tips for being a #motherrunner?