A 19 month baby update

Yeah so, ordinarily we save the baby milestones for our private baby book, because really, who other than the parents are awestruck by a baby doing pretty much all the same shit every other baby is doing?


You like fruit too? We should hang out some time.

But lately every time I see her I am shocked at how grown up she looks and so today I was compelled to do a blog post that for once is not complaining about her or ridiculing other mommy bloggers. Get into it!


First child ever to eat watermelon.

She sleeps! When she’s not teething or otherwise afflicted, she goes to bed at 7:30 and wakes up around 7:00. We have a white noise machine and we (or maybe just I) cannot live without it. I’m telling you, anybody who doesn’t have one is a chump. Here’s another unsolicited tip: if you don’t want to spring for blackout curtains, garbage bags taped to the windows work just as well.


Darkness all the time. And it faces the backyard, so nobody thinks we’re cooking meth in there.

Except she’s teething like fuck right now. Most babies we’ve seen have nearly a full set by 18 months, but she didn’t cut her first tooth until 7-1/2 months and still only had two teeth when she was a year old. I feared they would all start popping out at once and that’s exactly what happened. Last month she had six teeth and a tiny bit of a molar peeking through. Now she has TEN. So she’s had a rough time, but we’re pretty liberal with the medication.

2-drunk-baby-memeShe babbles. I thought she was behind on her talking, probably because I read blogs and blogger babies come out of the womb speaking the King’s English. But our doctor assures us she’s fine. (No, not just FINE. A-MAzing. Our doctor tells us our child is highly advanced and exceptionally good-looking. He calls us at home to congratulate us on having such an advanced, good-looking child. Are you jealous?)

They're not, mom.

They’re not, mom.

We’re trying to encourage more two-word phrases. She says Daddy mow (when she hears a lawnmower anywhere), thank you (if prompted) and bye kitty. The other day she said daddy’s poop. We were outside, so it didn’t make any sense but I told her good girl anyway.

Some of her favorite single words are hi, byeee, daddy, ew, uh-oh, kiki (kitty), shoes, no no no no no no and NOOOO. She’ll do farm animal sounds if you ask her (moo, bah, nay, oink, etc.). Sometimes she calls me daddy (but I can’t get her to call me Big Papa). And when she says her name it sounds like teensy. Just lately, she repeats eeeeverything we say, so we’ve had to curtail the stream of swear words.


Oooh, what’s a fucktard?

She loves shoes. I don’t know where she gets it because I’m kind of a tomboy. I wear two pairs of shoes and one of them is the Kinvaras. If it were up to me, she’d wear sensible kicks all the time, but a few of my more compassionate family members have bought her some fun shoes and she genuinely prefers them to the sensible ones. But most of all, she prefers shoes that are 19 sizes too big.


Do these make my diaper look full?

She’s tall. 75th percentile! So she looks like a three-year-old but she can’t talk. We get a lot of sympathetic glances.


She loves to dance. She seems to be especially fond of disco, and the girl can move. I feel like we need to do a better job of playing toddler music for her, because I’m told it helps kids adjust to pre-school when they go there and hear familiar songs. But let’s be honest: toddler music sucks.


She loves to splash. We just bought her one of those little sprinkler thingies from Target, so we do that a lot.



Something I love is watching her play with other babies. I don’t have any friends with kids her age so I have to go out of my way to find her other small people to play with.


We do the library story times and the stroller workout groups and all that shit, so she gets a reasonable amount of toddler time. And we do plan to give her a sibling someday. That way, she’ll have a small person she’ll be forced to play with and I will finally be free to blog three times a day!!!


Do you have a baby or do you prefer to just keep cats for now? Did you read this or just look at the pictures? 


28 thoughts on “A 19 month baby update

  1. It’s always mommy blogger posts (not you — duh!) about how advanced their babies are that make me freak out inside. “Calvin doesn’t do that or say that,” etc. Then I will go home, see him, and think, “Fuck those mommy bloggers. He’s totally fine.” Calvin actually talks a lot but we don’t understand it. Some of it is toddler babbling, some of it is Spanish he learned from the nanny, and I have to run to Google to figure out what he is saying. Oh, and, I wish we lived in the same state so our spawns could play together while we drink fancy beer.

    • I knoooow! I’ve got family in SF so if we ever have enough money to fly us and our spawn-ette across the country, we’re going to stop by unannounced.

      If you’re looking for a good mommy blog that’s not full of shit, check out itsadoglickbabyworld.com, Cute kids and phenomenal use of animated GIFs.

  2. Favorite sentence: “We do the library story times and the stroller workout groups and all that shit”!! And all that shit!

  3. I got totally into it!!! I read every fucking word. I am almost inspired to blog about my kids. Not quite but almost. She is really super cute. Not just saying that. We did the ghetto blackout curtains too! I did a great job curtailing “language” around my first few kids but kind of slacked with the last two. No one has hollered “MUTHERFUCKER” or “BULLSHIT” yet, but when I slammed on the brakes in traffic and my 2 year old screamed “JEEEEZUS!!!!” I realized things were getting a bit relaxed. Or maybe I just suck at driving.

    • Thank you! I don’t do these ZOMG BABY UPDATE posts often because I’m equally afraid of exploiting her and sounding humblebraggy, so your kind words mean a lot.

      And you and others have told me how subsequent children get the shaft so I’ll do my best with this one and then just take it all in stride. =D

  4. Toddler music totally sucks. But Ellie goes absolutely APESHIT for it, so I have abandoned my dreams of having a kid who only listens to good stuff, and we play the Elmo Song pandora station several hours a day.

  5. Things I learned from this post:

    1. You don’t cut grapes in half for your baby. YOU MONSTER.

    2. Your husband poops outside

    3. You’re such a tomboy that your kid calls you Daddy.

    Well done. Well done indeed.

  6. I stick to dogs right now. I go back and forth on having kids, and then, just when I think “eh, maybe” I inevitably run across some child who makes my uterus scream in terror.

  7. I love everything about this post. The baby is so adorable! You should come over for play dates. I feel like as they reach 2, the age difference isn’t that noticeable, plus we could take over the trails with OMGBOB jogging strollers!

    My babies aren’t advanced at all. One is average and one isn’t walking yet. Terrible mommy blogger fodder. Thanks babies.

    • Yessss! I hate that all my cool baby friends are in other states. Another baby walking is probably the last thing you want! And they all catch up eventually anyway. If they know what’s good for them.

  8. Your (and my) good pal Jorja introduced me to your blog yesterday. Hooked. Just posted my first blog post last night and am comforted by others out there who are healthy and love to drink beer! And I mean your kid IS kind of cute. Soo, I think a mommy blog post was pretty well deserved.

    • HELLO AND WELCOME. I used to be funnier, sorry you missed it.:/ Congrats on the new blog, I don’t know of any other beer/running bloggers around here so we’ll have to stick together!

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