Since I can’t run and I hate everyone, I thought it would be a good time to do another post where I write some predictable diatribe about the internet and we can all have a really fun circle-jerk about it!
So, I don’t know if you know this but in the olden days of the internets, hashtags were used to connect similar ideas. Today they are used by assholes who are desperate for attention. Here are some examples.
People use a hashtag to make what they feel is some kind of clever commentary about their own commentary. Also, to remind everyone they are pregnant.
Ironman training = hungry. all. the. time. #mamaneedspancakes
Exhausted! I need a beach vacation to recover from my beach vacation. #arewethereyet
Went running in my booty shorts and got catcalls from some college guys. #NBD #stillgotit
Burning up! Doesn’t anyone in this restaurant realize that I am #30weekspregnant? #hormones #pleaseturnontheairconditioning
#Every #fucking #word #is #hashtagged.
Or, 50 vague hashtags nobody will click on: #running #morning #trees #sidewalk #dogs #trashcan #grass #clouds #anus
Some people (and we all know I mean jerk bloggers) use hashtags conveniently provided to them by brands to promote their sponsored tweets (usually while failing to disclose the sponsored nature of their tweets, but my rage about THAT warrants a whole ‘nother blog post).
Just rubbed one out in my favorite #compressionsocks from @procompression!
Still have no idea what I’m doing here at the #disneysportsfestival.
My good friends at @reebok won’t stop sending me #crossfit shoes! #crossfit #reebok
Pic of my feet to fulfill my quota of #runhappy tweets for the month.
Somewhat related: I recently saw a tweet with the hashtag #notanad which is hysterical considering many of this person’s other tweets ARE ads with no hashtag designating them as such.
Faux movements and humblebrags
Duh: #fitfluential, #proof. The premise: inspiration to encourage all of us fatty fat fats to get off our asses and exercise. The reality: humblebrag selfies of girls in sweaty gym clothes.
And the latest faux movement, #12thingsIloveaboutme. I’d be more inclined to give this “movement” a chance if the vast majority of tweets were not focused on physical rather than intellectual attributes...my curly hair, my eyelashes, my skinny legs, my perfectly round butt cheeks. Congratulations! You’re still shallow.
My good buddy @KateKirk described it perfectly: another self-congratulatory #schtick disguised as a female empowerment campaign. ooh, lemme put that on a postit…
Do you use hashtags? What do you hate most about them? If you could start a really important movement that would make us weak, insecure lemmings not hate ourselves, what would your hashtag be? I’m personally fond of #myvaginaainthandicapped