weekend draft dump

You know those brain dump/photo dump posts people do? When they don’t have anything useful to say, but they’d still like to put something on the internet in a pathetic attempt to remain relevant? Well, I’ve got five or six partial blog posts festering in my drafts right now that will never, ever turn into actual blog posts, so I thought I’d paste them all into one incoherent ramble and let you people sort it out.

What’s in my drafts!

1. Why I like to drink my calories

Have you heard people say I like to EAT my calories thankyouverymuch!? Usually as they’re turning their nose disdainfully away from a cocktail or soft drink? I would like to offer an argument to the contrary and I think once you read it, you’ll agree with me.

  • Liquid calories are easier to digest.
  • Drinks never make you feel full. You can consume beverages pretty much unceasingly. The same cannot be said for sandwiches.
  • Drinking doesn’t make you fat. (As long as you’re not also eating.)
  • Alcohol can make you forget your problems in a way that a cupcake cannot.

And that’s as far as I got.

2. Bullshit stock expressions you need to stop using

This was one where I was going to list a bunch of stupid things people say all the time, but I got bored with it and never finished. Here’s what I managed to come up with:

A stock expression is something you say when you don’t really have anything to say, or when you can’t think of something genuine or original so you just say some bullshit. It’s filler. But if you remove the filler from blog posts, there would be no blog posts! What a conundrum. Here are some examples:

  • geeking out
  • channeling my inner…
  • Best. _____ . Ever.
  • icing on the cake
  • like the plague
  • truth be told/to tell you the truth/honestly/quite frankly
  • literally/actually/basically
  • Trust me.
  • Rookie mistake.

3. This video.

There was going to be a whole blog post around this video, but I let it sit too long and forgot the point I was going to make. Anyway, watch the video.

4. Who are we hate-mailing this week?

Except I haven’t hate-mailed anyone! So really this is just a clever title with no substance. Rest assured, next time I hate mail somebody, there will be a blog post about it.

5. Beer roundup!

This could be a legitimate blog post if only I could think of some words to put around all the pictures of beers I have.

IMG_5420 IMG_5451 IMG_5561 IMG_5568 IMG_5582 IMG_5737IMG_6439 IMG_6416 IMG_6394 IMG_6392 IMG_6386 IMG_6385

 Any dumps you’d like to share?

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16 thoughts on “weekend draft dump

  1. I’d send you a picture of the dump i took but i dropped my phone in the toilet trying to instagram it.

    LE SIGH #anotherphrasetoeliminate

  2. When I was on Weight Watchers, I BASICALLY used all my points on beer. So I ACTUALLY like to drink my calories, too. LITERALLY.

    Also, I want to drink all those beers now, please and thank you.

  3. Actually…

    I’m still working on that post comparing my boobs to Kate Upton’s…we have (truth be told) the BEST. BOOBS. EVER. …trust me. Even if mine are 30 years older than hers. But that’s just me geeking out on boobs…channeling my inner guy.

  4. People have to stop saying “Done and done.” Oh, and also: “I’m such a dork!” I always want to respond and say, “No. No, you aren’t. But you are vapid and boring!”

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