my courageous journey of being snowbound for two days

I was stuck inside with a toddler for two whole days you guys! Someone should pay me! I know there are people without water and power and also people who have real jobs, but I had to do a body weight workout on the floor of my living room! I’ll give you a moment to imagine how agonizing it was for me.

or maybe you're just constipated

TEOTWAWKI started Saturday with a trip to the grocery store at the crack of 9 a.m., which is about as early as I can get out of the house anymore because Kenzie insists on eating breakfast, watching a cartoon and putting on real clothes before we go anywhere. But she sleeps in, so I can’t complain.

Here’s what I found.




It’s hard to tell from this photo, but everybody’s really angry that there’s no more bacon.

Also, I was that assfuck who realizes at checkout that she left her wallet in the car. Instead of voiding out the sale and making me take my items back through the line (which is what I would have done and what SHOULD have happened) this bonehead cashier WAITS FOR ME to run out to my car and get it, pushing my toddler in one of those despicable race-car carts with a janky wheel (although for a split second I did consider leaving her in the store). So I return to a line eight-deep of people who are boring holes into me like they want to hatefuck my face to death. And I would have deserved it.


But a friend told me things got much worse later on that day:


Yeah, all my friends are jerks like me.

The weather was actually pretty nice on Sunday. We got close to a foot of snow, but the temperature stayed above freezing all day and there was no wind until after dark. We took Kenzie outside to play for a while and she had a ball.


Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.

I ran three miles, which I thought was really impressive until I learned that this bitch and this bitch ran for five hours in single-digit temps. Goddamn overachievers.


I took a picture of my feet so you know this actually happened.

Our streets weren’t plowed yet, but there were tire tracks on the road that were somewhat packed down and obviously I was running really slow, so it wasn’t that bad. I even saw another dude out running, and a guy cross-country skiing down our street. (Not as cool as the time I saw a dude ice-skating down our street, but still pretty cool.) It ended up being the last time I left the house until until Wednesday.


Two days homebound with a toddler in Indiana is totally just like three months snowbound with an alcoholic psychopath in the Rockies.

On Monday I (idiotically) planned to possibly venture out in the afternoon, even it was just to the YMCA to flail around in the pool for a bit and let Kenzie see other humans.


Siberia + Suburbia = SIBERBIA?

But the whole fucking city shut down and my husband informed me that there was a three foot frozen snow drift against the garage.

gross sobbing

So I thought it might be fun to post Instagrams of my thermostat readings and then make a Vine of me standing outside and throwing a cup of hot water in the air and watching it freeze, but I remembered I don’t have a smartphone.

Plan B: quality family time!







It was all really beautiful and special until around 3:30 when we had played with every toy in the house and she was sick of looking at my face.

It doesn't look so bad out there!

It doesn’t look so bad out there!

Luckily Daddy came home and made a fire, and the only thing Kenzie loves more than being outside is fire.

You can go now, Mommy.

You can go now, Mommy.

On Tuesday I had big plans to create a graphic with my super fun home workout ideas for people to share on Pinterest, but it turns out everybody already knows how to do burpees and jumping jacks.

This is how the word "burpee" makes me feel.

This is how the word “burpee” makes me feel.

But that’s a story for another day! Stay tuned for part two of my snowbound journey…

KIDDING! I’m done. That’s really all I can remember and since it’s Thursday, it’s no longer relevant anyway.

To celebrate our deliverance from isolation, I took the kid to the YMCA pool on Wednesday and then I had a really nice run on the treadmill. Turns out two days of being completely sedentary was exactly what I needed to achieve that elusive 29 minute 5K.


16 thoughts on “my courageous journey of being snowbound for two days

  1. My daughter did that painting on her hands thing, too! But she used red nail polish. You need to get a smartphone so you can have an Instagram account…we’re missing out on too much of your life. We could have seen live-streaming snowbound survival instead of needing to wait til all that shit was over and you finally made a blog post.

  2. These winter photos always crack me up. It just seems so alien to me. And, for the record I’m wearing shorts and a tank top. It’s 75 at 5:30 AM here. (Trust me – it gets old.)

  3. You know what’s a good sign that you shouldn’t be out running? When you get passed by some fuck on a pair of skis. That’s my lesson of 2014 so far. You’re welcome.

  4. When I worked at a grocery store in high school, cashiers would let people go out to their cars because it gave them a chance to not work without any repercussions. If others in line complained – or a manager – the cashiers could just throw their hands up and say, “Yeah, that stupid lady forgot her wallet and told me to wait for her. IDIOT!” So, that cashier exploited your forgetfulness, and got paid for doing it. Bastard.

    • That makes sense because she was acting like she really hated her life that day. (Not that I blame her, with all the bacon hoarders she probably had to deal with.)

  5. I couldn’t do it! You are really brave, not even joking. My hubz stayed home for three whole days with my two last week and never left the house. I have no idea what they did all day, but everyone was alive when I got home, so it was a success.

  6. “I ran three miles, which I thought was really impressive until I learned that this bitch and this bitch ran for five hours in single-digit temps. Goddamn overachievers.”

    Here is a pro tip for ya. My self esteem wouldn’t be nearly as high if I compared myself to people who are better/accomplished more/smarter than I/etc than I am. They key to feeling good about yourself is to aim low. Trust me.

    • Oh, I can definitely get behind aiming low. That’s why I never make new year’s resolutions– if you don’t have goals, you can never fail at them.

  7. Pingback: touch me I’m sick | Cheaper Than Therapy

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