let’s do smartphoning!


We finally bought smartphones this week which means I wrote this blog post while simultaneously playing candy crush and taking a dump. You’ll have to forgive me for any typos. (I don’t have a fucking copy editor, OKAY?)

Yeah, so Sprint finally forced us into smartphonedom and I’d say I feel like SUCH A GROWNUP except actually I feel more like a 14 year old. And also my grandma.

There’s so much shit on here and I don’t know how to use any of it, but I’m so excited to finally be a smartphone person!




I haven’t actually taken a lot of selfies yet because I spent the first 17 hours uninstalling all the useless crap they put on there. But THEN I installed Instagram. Except my username is not available! So I really need your help coming up with something fun and clever and brave and inspirational. Let’s make it a CHALLENGE. Pick my username and the winner gets a prize! Maybe.

What other “essential” apps should I have on my new phone?


29 thoughts on “let’s do smartphoning!

  1. I think you should go with MILFXXX or Sparkles6969. Online names used to be so much cooler.

    I have like 5 weather apps on my phone because I like to see who is giving me the best forecast.

    Obviously you have to start using Untappd. If you drink a beer and don’t “check-in” … did you really drink it? Um, no, not in 2014.

    I like using Songza (streaming radio) because my office wireless blocks Pandora and Spotify. But those are cool apps too.

    • Using “MILF” anything opens new doors of exposure. You WILL be a perv magnet. While kind of entertaining at first, trust me when I say it gets quite tedious.

      • HA! Yeah, I wrote a couple posts about my bunions and still get hits from foot fetishists. People are fucked up.

      • Um, I have the word “lick” in my blog title. You would be horrified and delighted to know what kind of searches lead to my blog.

  2. I like Remember the Milk to sync all our shopping lists – you know, so I don’t come home from the grocery store and have my husband say, “Oh, did you get peanut butter? I used the last.”

  3. cuntfacemcgee!! i’m peterscowkite on instagram and i post pics of drinks and things that have to do with drinks and not much else.

    also, i can’t figure out how to make untapped work (i guess i am dumb) but WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDSIES ON EVERYTHING. also, get soundhound. everytime you hear a song you don’t know you can whip it out and it should be able to tell you what it is.

    • Soundhound also makes a fun way to pass time at the bar with friends. Everyone guesses what year the song playing came out, Soundhound gives you the answer.

  4. *Love*

    I don’t have any cool apps on my phone – though I do like Wonder Weeks because it gives me a heads up on when my baby is about to become an a-hole.

  5. ComplementMotherRunner, FitMomForLyfe or something that is K & and New Baby Girl’s Mommy.

    I use Downcast the most for listening to podcasts. Instagram and FB are mainly for finding something to snark on.

    I like the wordpress app okay but don’t use it much since I’m lazy about blogging.

  6. I haven’t downloaded untappd yet but I should. As a beer drinker with a smartphone this is probably blasphemous. I am just excited that you have a smartphone so I can stalk you more efficiently now.

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