important updates (spoiler: none of them are a baby)

Since I can’t run (hell, I can hardly walk) and I can’t drink, there’s really not much going on in my life that’s blogworthy. But I do have some minutiae to share with you so let’s do that. I’ll use a lot of exclamation points to convince you that you should care!

1. The fetus! It’s almost a real baby but not quite yet. Two weeks to go!


27 weeks frumpier.

2. My ass! When I stopped running around 31-32 weeks, it was because I had excruciating sciatic nerve pain. Thankfully it went away, but more recently my right hip and butt cheek have been killing me. I’ve been doing some foam rolling and it actually seems to help, but I have to do it a LOT for it to make any difference, and my hip still aches if I walk too much. This is the hip I have always held Kenzie on, and I know that’s not helping. I hold her on the other hip now but it’s really awkward, like trying to write with the wrong hand; I’m left-handed and right-hipped, apparently. Don’t ask me what I’m going to do when I have two kids. I didn’t really think it through.

3. My toddler! Is growing up. She looks like a teenager now. She gets smarter and funnier every day and I can’t fucking handle it. I’ve been writing down all the funny things she says. Here are some of my favorites:

Me: “Kenzie do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Her: “The hard way!”

Me: “What happened to your pants, Kenzie?” Her: “Maybe they fell off.”

From the monitor at 6 in the morning: “Bear, where are you? Oh, there you are.”

“Daddy’s not talking. Let’s make him talk.” (He was asleep.)

Me: “It’s not funny Kenzie.” Her: “It’s a little bit funny.”

Me: “Hurry up Kenzie, we’re going to be late.” Her:  “Just be patient.”

In the bathtub: “My butt just blew bubbles!”



4. The Instagrams! I asked you guys to help me pick a name, and Rungry suggested @lolfuneral. It just struck me as perfectly hysterical. I mostly just Instagram pics of my kid and selfies (LOOK AT MEEEEE, I DID MY HAIR TODAY) but you should still totally follow me on there because some day I’ll be able to drink alcohol again and then things will get REALLY exciting.

5. My cats! Skylar was having trouble coping with her status as a sub, but she seems to be doing much better. She’s no longer pissing on the rug, anyway. We used our Spot Bot with the oxy pet cleaner to deep-clean the rug and carpet underneath in the hopes that she would no longer pick up her pissy scent there, and we’ve been keeping up with the litter box cleaning and the praising and the attention-giving and all that. I’ve also been using that overpriced pheromone spray that’s probably water. Can’t hurt, right?

Thanks, I'll just make myself comfortable.

I own you and your fetus and everything else in this house.

6. The plants! I promised you regular updates on this, which we both knew was a lie, but they’re doing so well I thought they should at least get a mention.


I love YOU the most, cilantro!

I HATE buying cilantro at the store. You either have to buy those overpriced clamshells that only have like, three leaves inside, or the giant bunch that you will never be able to get through before it turns slimy. The peppers and tomatoes look great too, but they won’t yield any actual food for several more weeks.

So…what’s going on with you guys? 


17 thoughts on “important updates (spoiler: none of them are a baby)

  1. Sorry about the ass pain! I did a lot of pigeon-ing in the last weeks of my pregnancy to try to stretch that area. Don’t know if it worked but it felt good at the time.

    Not much going on over here. Drinking a beer (Bell’s Two Hearted) while wearing the baby because that’s the only way she’ll take a nap. She needed the nap and I needed the beer. Tricky not to spill it on her head, though!

    • Good call. I probably haven’t pigeoned since I quit running.
      And I’m sure I spilled a drop or two or Kenzie’s head when she was a wearable size. And probably will on the next one too!

  2. So my knee has been bugging me when running, despite 10 days of no running or biking. Any chance you want to take my spot on my Ragnar team? Ragnar at 39 weeks … what could be funner???

  3. Kenzie is hilarious. I always find toddler-isms make me giggle. My favorite right now is the way my son says Woody from Toy Story. It sounds like Hootie. As in and the Blowfish.

  4. Two kids? Two hips! 🙂

    Why did you not include the pregkini pic? You posted it on IG.

    (see what I did there? lured people to follow you on IG by letting them know you post near-naked pics over there that you aren’t sharing over here)

    What I love the most about you now having a smartphone is that I don’t have to wait a whole fucking month (like between your blog posts) to know what you, a total stranger, is doing with your life.

    • You might get lucky! I don’t think I had it nearly this bad with my first baby (and my husband tells me I didn’t complain as much). I do remember my crotch aching more though, so I guess it’s a trade-off. Yay!

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