Four and a half weeks later, in fragments

In case you were wondering what my #4thtrimesterbody looks like:

It's soft and leaky.

It’s soft and leaky.

You think if I clutch my uterus in that creepy way that pregnant women do, people will think I’m still pregnant and not just fat?

Heeey, little no baby.

Heeey, little not-a-baby.

So the other night, I thought I’d had a breakthrough. I’d been trying for three hours to get the baby to go to sleep. Nursing her, rocking her, finally laying her gently into the crib only to watch her eyes pop open again as she began to squawk. Times infinity. I decided to try the swaddle again, even though our last go at swaddling had resulted in her frantically trying to flex and bust out of the damn thing. And I tried the pacifier again, even though she’d refused it since birth. But this time she took it! Her eyes dropped shut immediately and she fell asleep. I laid her back in the crib AND SHE STAYED SLEEPING.

Eureka! Paci + swaddle = baby goes instantly to sleep. Of course, it only worked that one time, but it gave me hope. I ran out and bought two more swaddles and four different kinds of pacifiers.

The thing I hate most about parenting is all the STUFF. Everybody’s always doing blog posts about all their favorite baby gear {with affiliate links! Thanks for supporting my family!} and I’m never going to do that (unless I already have and just don’t remember, in which case, oops) because I hate that we have to rely on all kinds of STUFF to raise our kids. Especially if they’re going to outgrow that stuff in four months or less.

So, newbie doesn’t sleep for shit right now but I’m holding off on buying that $400 whatever it is THAT WILL TOTALLY CHANGE MY LIFE because she’s not going to be four weeks old forever.

Second time around, and I still feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Nursing is difficult, sleep is fleeting and the house is in ruins. I worry that the baby isn’t gaining enough weight, isn’t sleeping enough, is too cold, is too warm, is not breathing, is breathing too much. I am the basket case #newmom all over again.

On the bright side, going places with two kids is not nearly as much of a big deal as I feared. I wear Codie in the Moby wrap A LOT (it’s the only time she sleeps), and Kenzie rides in the stroller or walks. We don’t have a car seat adapter for the BOB because Kenzie was born in December and we didn’t need it then, and we don’t have a double stroller because damn, those things are expensive and because OMG MORE STUFF.

2014-07-16 17.52.00

We did this last week and I meant to blog about it but I never did. Basically, we went to a fair and it was fun.

My only goal right now (besides the obvious like making sure everyone is bathed and fed) is to try to get both kids down for a nap at the same time each day. So far it’s happened three or four times, but usually Codie sacks out right around the time Kenzie is waking up. I’m realizing just how fucking eeeeeasy my life was with just one kid. So all you poor, poor moms out there complaining about your one kid can suck it.

Breastfeeding. Oh mah gaw. It has not been any easier for me the second time around. This kid nurses 20 times a day. I had a lactation consultant come over the first week we were home because I was certain the baby was chewing my nipples right off my chest and simultaneously starving to death. But she’s gaining weight and doing everything else just as she should (peeing, pooping, not projectile vomiting, etc.), so at the moment we’re writing her off as an extremely boobsessed baby and hoping it’s temporary.

#mommymartyr #getajob

#mommymartyr #getajob

My biggest struggle (other than everything I mentioned above) is feeling useless. While I’m camped out on the couch doing clusterfeeds (see above), my husband is making dinner, doing bath time and bedtime with Kenzie, dishes, laundry, etc. Pretty much everything except breastfeeding. I’m grateful for his help right now, but if I still need him to do all this in six months, I’ll feel like a total asshole.

Last, Kenzie is SUCH a good big sister, and I tell her that all the time. i was so worried she’d feel neglected and jealous, but so far she’s been enamored with Codie. And she calls her Codes. We didn’t even encourage that, she just started doing it one day. I DIE.

2014-07-08 08.45.21

Hey Codes.

I’ll be back with more drivel soon! How are things with you?


17 thoughts on “Four and a half weeks later, in fragments

  1. THANK YOU for this post!! I’m knocked up with my first and I really really struggle to find people who talk about how hard things are! I find it really helps before you jump into battle to know what is coming…

    • Yay, good luck! It’s not always hard! There’s a moment now and then when it’s incredibly rewarding. I try to have me camera on me at all times to make sure I get a pic when that happens.

  2. That has to be the realest post about new mom life I’ve read. Or it’s just the one I relate to the most. My kid ate every 1.5 hours or so and they all felt like cluster feeds. I think he was just using me as a human paci and I should’ve introduced it sooner rather than be so worried about nipple confusion. And yes! All the freaking stuff! I wish there were more posts about the stuff people bought that they never or rarely used. I hope you don’t get in trouble for using the fourth tri hashtag.

  3. I found the transition from one to two kids to be the most difficult. You should have another one so you can feel more like you have a clue. And then another so you can really cement in that feeling.

    The girls are so adorable. And you look so content with your not-a-baby. And where did you get those Cookie Monster jammies? I love them.

  4. Well the below comment sort of stole what I was going to say but I really appreciate the honest look at the “4th trimester” body. The stuff is currently stressing me out because EVERY mother wants to tell me all about THE PERFECT SWADDLING BLANKET and there are like 8 different kinds that everyone swears are the best so am I supposed to buy twenty different brands of everything??? How do I know what is really the best??
    I’m holding you personally accountable if one kid is not completely easy, as you claim.
    Hang in there. You are beautiful!

    • No, YOU’RE beautiful!!
      The first kid is stressful because you have no clue what you’re doing. The second is stressful because more kids, obviously, but at least you know how to take care of them (or if you’re me, you still don’t have a clue). Multiples seem like they’d be a nightmare no matter what.
      I just picked up whatever swaddles they had at Target this time, but when we had Kenzie, we were given a few as gifts and they’re all just fine. If you have something that allows you to do arms inside and also arms free, that might save you from needing new ones once the baby starts rolling over, but they’re really all the same: baby straightjackets.

  5. You are doing great! It’s survival mode all over again. I didn’t know any different, but my hubz and I had to team up from the get go. You are doing a very important job – and the toughest job. He has the easy part.

    That last photo…dead. SO CUTE.

  6. THANK YOU for posting your leaky 4th trimester body photo. I have one on my phone that I’m saving but I haven’t posted it anywhere. I had no idea that my stomach wouldn’t be back to its normal place right away (thanks celebrity magazines for lying to me).

    That is wonderful that you’re husband is able to help. I felt guilty when he was taking care of the dog (I can only imagine another child) and making dinner while I was attending to those forever cluster feedings. The first 6 weeks are always the toughest. Kudos to you for hanging in there and making it work somehow!

    When I’m knocked up with #2, I’ll be coming to you with questions as you’ll be a seasoned mother of 2 by then!

    I’ve heard that moms with older kids keep a special box of toys/games/treats that they only get to play with while mommy is feeding the baby. Keeps these items special that they are only used during certain times, and it also keeps said child happily occupied. As I’m not living this, not sure if it is easier-said-than-done but I thought I would offer up the tip anyways! 🙂

  7. We had a baby shower at work last week, and another co-worker who just came back from maternity leave told the expecting mom “your job is to feed the baby” and told dad “your job is to feed your wife” and if anything else happens, great. So, don’t feel useless. You’re literally doing what nature wants you to do right now. Feeding Codes.

  8. Note to self – no complaining about my one baby (what about my semi-feral Kenyan street cat?). However, my 9 month old (did we discuss this in IG?) is STILL boob-cessed. She nurses like, 6 times a day (or has 3 bottles at daycare and nurses 3 times). She makes excited noises when it’s boob time. It’s cute, and i dig it, but mostly because I never thought these tiny A cups would be able to feed a baby (SHE HAS GAINED almost 12 pounds since I birthed her, and grown 8 inches) for 9 months. Totally rad.

    I hear you about STUFF. My babe never took a paci, and she only gets swaddled at nap time. Have you tried a Merlin Magic Sleep Suit? Look that ish up. C lived in hers from 12 weeks until about 7.5 months. Just in time for me to buy the next size up, natch. I buy them second hand. I have a big one if you want me to send it to you!!

    • Hey, insta-friend! Somehow I didn’t get notified of this commen, so sorry, so late…I LOVE that she is gaining weight and starting to chub up. Someone said on here a loooong time ago something to the effect of, “it’s amazing how you can feed a baby with food you make in your boobs,” and I think about that all the time.
      I was so anti-swaddle because my first one never needed it, but it’s really amazing how quickly she falls asleep in them. Arms out = slapping self in face and fusses for hours, arms inside baby straitjacket = passes the eff out instantly.

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