I’m on zero sleeps

Yeah so, last night was one of those OH MY GOD HOLY FUCK KILL ME I’M LOSING MY MIND kind of nights.


I have a 5 month old and a 3 year old you guys, and they both sleep like newborns. They were waking up before I even went to bed, and then pretty much took turns every hour from 10:30 until dawn. I even broke my Number One Rule For Maintaining My Sanity and briefly let Kenzie GET INTO BED WITH ME because I just didn’t feel like I had the energy to get up again, but then I came to my very last sense and carried her back to her room. The last time I put her to bed was at 5 a.m. She was up for the day at 6:15.tumblr_n0v255JWvc1rey868o2_500

I HATE writing about this. Nobody cares about my children’s sleep habits. It’s so boring. And nobody cares that I’m tired. Everybody’s tired. But being this tired hurts.

And I’m doing everything wrong. Everybody’s always like, PUT THEM TO BED AWAKE OR ELSE THEY’LL NEVER LEARN TO SLEEP. Well, I did that with Kenzie and look where it got us. Now she literally needs someone to hold her hand until she falls asleep. (The only alternative is to lock her in her room and I won’t do that.)

With Codie, I really tried. For a while I was putting her down awake probably half the time. If she didn’t go right to sleep, I’d cuddle and nurse her. But over the last month or so I’ve started nursing her to sleep every time.

retard alert

can’t let them cry. Even if I had the intestinal fortitude for that (not saying I won’t have to resort to it at some point), they’d just scream and wake each other up. And I’ve been awake with both girls at 3 a.m. I’m not trying to do that again. (I’ve written that exact statement here before. I think. I told you, I’m losing it.)

PMRuBAnyway, how was YOUR night? If you slept, GTFO.



16 thoughts on “I’m on zero sleeps

  1. Oh man! I wish I had some awesome advice. When Calvin was still a baby we did the cry it out. It was really hard. The first night he cried for like 45 minutes. I paced back and forth in front his closed bedroom door and cried. But then the next night it was like 20 minutes, and so on and so on.

    Every once in a while, Calvin breaks up the routine, and I feel like we have to start all over. But every time it’s the same thing: 45 minutes the first night, then 30 minutes, then 20 minutes, then nothing.

    It totally sucks, but in the long run we get to sleep, so in that way it doesn’t totally suck.

    Also, have tried giving them booze and making them watch a Ken Burns documentary? That always puts me to sleep.

    • Yeah, we had to do it with kenzie too, same deal. I was hoping not to with this one but that was probably unrealistic. Maybe if I can get them to cry it out at the same time, they won’t wake each other up! #multitasking

  2. I usually just read and I don’t post, but I wanted to comment to let you know, seriously, don’t worry about not “doing it right.” I certainly didn’t – I never did any sleep training, we co-slept, I nursed on demand and nursed to sleep every night and every nap, and now my daughter (she’s now 3 years old) is a terrific sleeper. I think SO much of it is genetic and really out of your control – there have even been studies that show that by the time they are in preschool, sleep-trained kids sleep an average of 10-15 minutes more than non-sleep trained kids, so it doesn’t really make a difference in the long run. I know it’s cold comfort when you’re up a million times a night, but don’t stress if you end up doing some co-sleeping – you’re not going to “break” your kid. 🙂 We co-slept for the first 18 months until my daughter started sleeping through the night of her own accord; it was the only way I could function while working full time. And like I said, these days she naps 2-3 hours every day like clockwork, bedtime is 15 minutes tops, and she sleeps 10-11 hours straight at night unless she’s sick. She’s just a good sleeper, and I doubt anything I did really effected it either way.

    • THANK YOU! I know you’re right. I had more confidence in my parenting skills when I had just one kid. We did all the sleep training tricks with our first, and it all fell apart anyway, so that just proves your point!

  3. You’re at, like, Mile 23-24 ish of a marathon. I remember that place so so well. I think my oldest 2 are very close to the same age spread as Kenzie and Codie. When I was at the 3-year old plus 5-month old stage, a friend who was considering have a second child asked me what was the best thing about having two and what was the worst thing. I looked at her stony-faced (because I was a sleep-deprived, emotionally dead zombie) and said, “There is no best thing, and the worst thing is you have two.” Shortly thereafter I demanded my husband get snipped. Which he did. Here’s the GOOD NEWS! It really and truly does get better. Sooooo much better. Like, AMAZING better! I know it’s different for everyone, but our “better” really kicked in when the younger one was comfortably walking and semi-communicative at around 14-months old. Have you considered a very part-time preschool for Kenzie? That kind of took the razor-sharp edge off for me.

    • Milf, I’m tired and vulnerable so your comment made me weep. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL FEELINGS. It feels good to hear that this is as hard as it gets! Kenz will do a “preschool” program next year. We thought about it this year but ultimately decided not to because $$$ and because she’ll still have 2 years of pre-k before kindergarten so it didn’t seem necessary. Of course now I’m kicking myself.

      • Sorry!

        Any chance of finding a 9-1, two days a week preschool NOW? Or starting after the holidays? Could be a Christmas present to yourself 🙂 And it really and truly does get better. I begged my husband to get reattached so I could add two more to the crazy. Okay…I’m totally crazy. #owningit

  4. i always read, never comment! I just had my first and I love reading your baby posts. Keeps me in check about what having number 2 would be like. I hope they tucker themselves out and give you 10 solid hours sleep soon!

    • Aw thank you, l love hearing that. Sorry for scaring you! I’m maybe 25%-80% melodrama at any given time. (But today was at the low end.) They should have me give talks to horny teenagers.

  5. I don’t have kids, but when we were little, my mom would dump the current baby in my bed (or my sister’s) and let us console them to sleep. I had a baby in my bed and no sleep for the majority of my childhood; it effectively night-weaned the babies pretty early, but boy did it make for tired kids the next day. Perhaps you could put the two babies to bed together and allow them to put each other to sleep? It worked in the bizarre world of my childhood.

  6. Oh my goodness you just described what my life was like three years ago. My oldest can still be a shitty sleeper. We made some wrong choices with him in trying to “train” him. There is no manual and I love that you aren’t letting them suffer even though you are suffering and wanting to beat your head with a candlestick to sleep. You’re doing awesome mama. My boys did that to me more than once a week. It does get better, but may not happen for a while. I won’t blow smoke up your ass. Gosh, I reminded that I’m pregnant with number three who is coming in less than 10 weeks. My next comment on your blog may look something like this.

    Lajndfowuegawojevnaowuen. Saijewnshit asojenwefuck omg

    • Haha good luck with that! I don’t know how parents with 3 do it. (But seriously, congrats!<3)
      Thanks for your comment! The whole toddler sleep thing just came as such a shock to me. She was such a good sleeper so I wasn't prepared for this. I think that's why I'm coping so poorly. I keep telling myseld she'll be a teenager before I know it and she'll hate me and I'll miss the days when she wanted to sleep all night with my hand on her chest.

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