so can I just write you a fucking novel right now?

I meant to publish this several days ago so that I could write a fun, lighthearted and obnoxious 2015 blog recap for you tonight but, story of my life, neither one of those got finished in time so you’re getting this. A dodgy consolidation of both. Here are the TLDR bullet points:

• I lost a friend
• Both of the kids got sick
• Husband and I went on a one-night, whirlwind mini vacation/early New Year’s celebration last week and spent a night downtown while my parents stayed with the kids.
• We saw The Force Awakens
• Kenzie saw her first movie in a theater (NOT The Force Awakens)
• I drank a lot
• I didn’t run very much

And now here’s the long version…

Yeah so, I found out late Christmas night that one of my friends died. I was scrolling my newsfeed while drinking wine in the kitchen when I saw a picture of him that an overzealous mourner had posted to his page barely 24 hours after it happened with the caption “RIP.” So the shitty thing about Facebook is that sometimes you find out your friend is dead via Facebook. But the kind of cool thing about Facebook is that sometimes you get to see a lot of people (like, hundreds) coming out of the woodwork to offer their condolences and share their photos and memories.

Brian and I were friends back when I lived in Texas. He came to my wedding in 2005 but I hadn’t seen him in 10 years, so hearing from everyone who knew him, from childhood all the way to the present, helped me feel more connected. He was a kind, funny, tremendously talented writer and all around cool dude and I think he probably had a couple of brilliant novels in him if he’d just had more time. I’m still sad and stunned.

And now I’m going to try my best to segue into holiday shit without sounding too much like a self-absorbed ass twat. We had a nice time. The kids got a ton of gifts and were spoiled absolutely rotten by their aunt and grandparents. And we took advantage of all the free babysitters and did some fun adult things. We’re basically the luckiest people on Earth. I mean than sincerely.

I mean just look at them.

Kenzie got to see her first real movie theater movie. It was The Good Dinosaur and it was kinda good. Kinda weird. The dinosaurs were farmers, and also there were humans living in the same period as the dinosaurs so it was sort of obnoxiously inaccurate, but Kenzie liked it, so I guess that’s all that matters.

Popcorn is all that matters.

Then the next day, husband and I sneaked out after breakfast to go see The Force Awakens.

We thought it was dope, but apparently we got ripped off.

Also, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but the last few Christmases, we’ve gotten sick. Last year, my husband, mom and sister-in-law experienced the joy of a holiday stomach bug. This year it was bronchiolitis and ear infections.

The week of Christmas (Monday? Tuesday? I can’t even remember anymore) Codie had a really rough night. She could not physically stop coughing long enough to fall asleep, so I nurse/rocked her for hours and hours until she finally passed out around midnight. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic AND nebulizer treatments AND a steroid. She improved tremendously in just 24 hours but the steroid made her go fucking berserk. She was too wacked out to sleep, basically running around in circles like a crazy person and she’d scream if I tried to rock her or lay down with her. She didn’t go to sleep until after 11 p.m. Christmas Eve and was up before 5 a.m. Christmas morning.

Here she is discovering her gift from Santa about 3 hours early.

After that horrific night I made the executive decision to put an end to the steroids and the following night her sleep improved by 1000000%. She slept 13 hours without waking up once.

Naturally, as soon as Codie was feeling better, Kenzie came down with that garbage. She woke up the day after Christmas barking like a seal and blowing metric shit tons of snot all over the place, so we did the most reasonable thing possible and left her with my parents so we could take off on a date night downtown. But, well, we paid for the hotel in advance and…my parents insisted? (She did see a doctor– we are not total jerks, I promise. And she’s fine now.)

We like to party but we don’t like crowds so we rang in the new year a week early! #introvertlifehack. We hopped around to a bunch of different breweries and bars, including the Slippery Noodle which is Indy’s oldest and best. We ate a ton of delicious bar food and closed out the night with vodka martinis and then a giant plate of nachos. It was really quite romantic.

Running…

I managed to stick with my KEY runs during the holiday week (a tempo, a “faster” run and a “long” run) but I scrapped a couple of the easy runs. I could have done them, I just didn’t.

Last week:
12/22: 3 @ 9:29
12/24: Tempo w/ 4 @ 8:47 (6 total)
12/26: 3 @ 9:19
12/27: 5 @ 10:17

This week so far:
12/29: 3 @ 9:10
12/31: 6×400 @ 7:19 (5 total)

My tempo miles were supposed to be at around 8:43 pace but I was up late with the baby the night before and then had a couple proseccos at breakfast (Star Wars pregaming, DONTYOUJUDGEME) so I would have been pleased with anything under 9:00.

Today Yesterday, for my last run of 2015 I did 6×400 @ 7:19! I did it on the treadmill and I am 100% certain I never would have come close to that pace running outside. During the last 400, my legs felt trashed.

The Year In Running

I didn’t start keeping track of 2015 mileage until June, but I’ve done about 600 miles since then. I’m not as fast or as strong as I used to be but I enjoy running just as much, if not more. There are NO MARATHONS on the horizon for me, but I am hoping to log a 5k and half marathon PR in 2016.

And in everything else

As far as everything else in 2015 goes, it was an incredible year. I am still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing, but I am so lucky to have a) fallen in love with a guy who loves his daughters to pieces and would do anything for them and b) these precious few years that I am privileged to spend at home with those girls. I think a lot about people who have struggled to have children, who have struggled through the loss of children and who struggle more than me to give their children the kind of life every child should have. I am so much luckier than I deserve to be. My goal for 2016 is to just try as hard as I can to take care of the people around me and to make every moment count.

Even when that moment is watching my baby pee on the carpet behind the curtain in my bedroom.

I love you guys. happy new year.

blog fuckery

So I only made one mistake when moving my blog back over to the free wordpress domain, but it was a big, stupid one: I didn’t keep the cheaperthantherapy.me domain so all the internal links did not carry over. I didn’t really think it through, you guys.

I can’t decide how annoyed I am by this. On the one hand, how many people click your old internal links anyway, but on the other hand, it was a lazy, cheap move and for like 20 bucks a year it would not have broken me to keep the domain.

I did go fix all the broken links on my food and race pages because there are a lot of them and I think people actually look at those pages (and I use them myself). As far as the rest of the blog, maybe some day when I’m bored I’ll go through and fix a few links, but probably not. I wish there were a way to batch-fix them via spreadsheet instead of going through post by post and manually fixing them one at a time. If anyone knows how to make that happen, TELL ME.

The other thing that happened is that I’ve lost a bunch of photos. The missing images are not in my media library so I can’t just fix the image name like I did with the links. It may just be a space issue as I am currently at about 80% of my upload limit with WP. Again, half of me is really annoyed and the other half is like, ehhh, fuck it.

Last, I hate this blog theme but I can’t find the one I was using before. Any suggestions?

Anyway, thanks for stopping by this even more of a piece of shit blog than it was two weeks ago and have a nice day!

No-pants November! Days 1-3

Did you know it’s like national blog posting month or something?

 

I’m not sure if this is an actual thing or just something made up by the internet. Alas, I did my own daily blogging challenge last month because I’m such a goddamn trailblazer.

It’s November 3! 

I decided to preemptively stop wearing pants on the off chance you guys liked the idea of a no-pants challenge. This challenge is more suited to my lifestyle than a daily blogging challenge because it allows me to reward myself for doing nothing!

On Saturday I wore running tights and then changed into cotton drawstring pajamas, Sunday I wore leggings, and today I am wearing yoga pants.

Stupid sexy me.

Obviously these could all be considered pants in a very broad sense, but I’ve come up with a few helpful guidelines.

Basically:

Nothing with pockets. Some of my sweatpants have pockets, but you get the idea. If the pockets fancy up the garment, then it could be considered pants and that’s what we don’t want.

Nothing with less than 50% Spandex or cotton (or similar stretchy/casual material). Obviously nothing with denim, corduroy, linen, polyester, etc. I don’t own any silk or satin so we don’t even have to worry about that.

Jeggings don’t count as pants but stretchy jeans might. I have a pair from Target that are borderline. They’re branded as “denim leggings” but they have real pockets. Yet, they are 73% cotton/spandex and only 27% polyester. I’ll decide later because MY RULES.

ALL 12 OF YOU READERS are welcome to join me in this exciting endeavor! I’d love for somebody with a real job (OR A DUDE!) to take this on because I’m really not getting away with anything except looking like a slob in front of my kids and the other moms at Target.

Oh, and as far as authenticity, you’re just going to have to trust me because there’s no way I’m taking daily selfies of my not-pants. Maybe a few selfies though.

Let’s move on. 

Did you guys have a fun Halloween?

BABIES.

It was butt cold here but we managed to hit about 10 houses before Kenzie got fed up. Naturally we were about half a block down the street when that happened and she insisted on being carried all the way home. She had a nice warm bath and a few mini Hershey’s before we put her to bed and had some fun of our own.

Beer, candy, and the original Day of the Dead, which is a (sort of terrible) classic George Romero zombie film. (When you say FILM that makes it classier than just a movie, get it?)  I hear there’s a remake in the works because what old movie DOESN’T have a remake in the works? Hollywood: done coming up with original shit since 1987.

My goal for next Halloween is to go to a real grownup Halloween party. I’m hoping to have a good babysitting situation figured out by then.

What did you do for Halloween? What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without wearing pants?

We’re friends of the chick with the sword and the kid in the hat

Yeah so, quickly, I failed at my blogging challenge but we all knew it was going to happen right? I’m just not cut out for the life of a full-time blogger! I’m not committed! I’m not dedicated! I won’t shill for limp, processed broccoli or stand on my kitchen table to take pictures of my food! Justins has never sent me shit!

Let’s catch you up.

We went to the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta again this year. We went when Kenzie was 10 months old but this time, she was old enough to appreciate it for all it’s splendor.

We also got to see some friends and family, watch the kids play, go running in the mountains and eat a lot of good food and drink some New Mexico craft beer (don’t laugh, they do have some there), but I won’t condescend you by pretending all those photos aren’t already on Instagram. (Regurgitating old content, the cornerstone of a successful blog!)

Our return flight was fairly uneventful except for a couple of baby blowouts which we accepted with utter grace and sophistication.

Also, to mark the expiration of the Wright Amendment, everyone on the plane got a free alcoholic beverage!

I spent Tuesday getting my shit back together and doing 180 loads of laundry. Kenzie is officially OFF NAPS so things are a little more challenging around here but I can’t complain or else people with real jobs will stop reading my blog.

A lot of people told us Kenzie would start going to bed again if we cut out the naps but I really didn’t want to believe it. She’d still go down for naps right away, but at bedtime, she’d get up 40 times and wouldn’t go to sleep until 10 or 11 p.m. We finally tried no-napping while we were in Albuquerque. We kept her super busy all day long and she went right to bed each night. Last night, she put up a little bit of a fight, but she was still quiet within 15 minutes. A VAST improvement. So it’s pretty clear: we can either have a peaceful afternoon or a peaceful evening and we chose evening.

And yeah, we still have that baby too, and she’s doing just fine. We’re working on getting her out of our room and into her crib, but the first two nights she was in there, she woke up every 1-2 hours so I quit that shit pretty fast. I think I have to commit to several nights of no sleep in order to crib-train (for lack of a kinder term), so I’m totally putting it off. I set an arbitrary crib deadline of next Thursday. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Beer and TV funsies!

Because what better time to talk about television than when I’ve committed myself to reading more?! Sunday was the season premier of The Walking Dead and I thought it was just brilliant! I’m not going to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t watched yet, but I really super enjoyed it. There was triumph and joy, tenderness, anguish, torment, fury, revenge, and of course lots and lots of blood spatter and fire and gore.

Only when f-bombs can be dropped on network television will we truly be free.

Last night, I marked the return of the only show I give a shit about now that Breaking Bad is over with a pretty terrific zombie beer while we watched Talking Dead.

EXCUSE ME, THEY’RE CALLED WALKERS.

I’d heard from at least one person who wasn’t a fan of this beer, but I really liked it! 3 Floyds has never disappointed me, and this New Belgium gratzer ale collaboration was no exception.

For those who didn’t feel like clicking the link, it’s a “long-buried” (hence the zombies) style using Polish Lublin hops and oak-smoked wheat. It packed quite a bit of flavor into just 4.5% ABV; spicy, chocolatey, smokey and rich. And since I hardly ever drink anymore, it also packed a nice buzz.

Blog challenge reactivated!

So if we’re getting back on track with the challenge, your something scary for today can be that beer up there and that zombie WALKER show on AMC.

As for reading every day, I briefly tried reading instead of staring at my phone during the nighttime feedings, but Codie usually only nurses for about 30 seconds now before going right back to sleep, so I really don’t even have time to do that anymore. I’d get pulled into a good story only to look down and realize she’d been sleeping on me for like 10 minutes. And then I’d feel stupid for still being awake.

But now that they both go to bed at a decent time and aren’t for the present waking at the crack of dawn, I have no excuse not to read in the evenings before bed. Except when there are like, totally amazing shows on television that I just have to watch.

What do you like to watch on TV when you could be bettering your mind by reading books?

okay, just one regurgitated instagram photo

top 10 iconic shitty clowns of my generation

I had a rough night, you guys!

Toddler wouldn’t go to bed until 10:30 and the baby was up every 90 minutes. My kids totally WRECKED me. But I won’t get into it today because I don’t want to think about it and you certainly don’t want to read about it. THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

So, I used to think I was really unique and clever for having this thing against clowns. I read Stephen King’s IT and now I hate clowns, I’m the specialest snowflake ever!

But it turns out everyone hates clowns!

And I blame the media. Because it’s easier to blame the media than to accept personal responsibility!

So without any more blather, here are, as noted in the title, the top 10 iconic shitty clowns of my generation.

Homey D. Clown. He represents an important period in American clown culture, as no other clown at that time beat people with a sock full of tennis balls.

Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofsky, of chain-smoking, cocaine-addicted fame.

Pennywise. The only thing scarier than Tim Curry in drag.

The Poltergeist clown. The only thing scarier than Zelda Rubinstein.

And the parody from Scary Movie 2 is also pretty shitty.

That drunk clown from Uncle Buck. 

That not-dead clown from Billy Madison. He was actually a very nice clown who was just really down on his luck.

Captain Spaulding. A smart-ass dirty pervert serial killer clown. Only the mind of Rob Zombie could dream up something so terrible.

Frankie. Not evil, but still very much Gary Busey.

And the #1 SHITTY CLOWN OF ALL TIME, Clowny clown clown.

And also, because it came up in my search, this Craigslist ad from 2008.

Clowns, am I right?

(I’m doing a challenge where I’m blogging a scary thing a day until Halloween, and also trying to read more. If you want to read this entire mess of a series, start here!)

I’m launching a counterterrorism campaign against the spiders in my house.

So the other day around 5 a.m., I was in bed feeding the baby when I noticed a spider crawling up the wall toward the ceiling.

It wasn’t a HUGE spider, but it was big enough to see in the darkish room. Warily, I continued to watch the spider as it began crawling across the ceiling toward the area just above the bed. My husband wasn’t home, or I would have woken him up and asked him to kill it warned him of the impending calamity.

As I watched in horror, the spider stopped directly over my bed and then DROPPED DOWN ON ITS THREAD RIGHT ABOVE ME.

In my hasty escape, I almost threw the baby across the room.

By the time I got a large enough wad of paper towels, the spider had already gone back upthread to the ceiling, so I had to stand in a very vulnerable position on my bed with the spider above me in order to kill it. Additionally I risked knocking it off the ceiling onto the bed, possibly losing it under the covers and then never being able to sleep in there again. Luckily, I got it on the first try so we don’t have to move. But now every time I go in my room, I have to conduct a thorough search of the walls, the ceiling, and the bed and covers before I can relax. And still, every time I’m in bed, I feel like there are spiders all over me.

Yeah, so It’s that time of year when it begins getting colder and all the damn bugs want to come inside. (Oh, and yet it’s still warm enough that I get devoured by mosquitos every time I leave the house, but I’ll wait to tell you about that until I do the blog challenge where every day I write about something that’s just totally unfair.)

We spray the inside and outside of the house twice a year. My husband does the spraying, and my job is to contain the children and cats until he’s finished, because it’s not like, a nice, organic, natural, gluten-free solution we use. It’s OMGSCARYCHEMICALS, which is exactly what I want when we’re talking about spiders, silverfish and centipedes. (OH MY?) I want the shit that’s strong enough to kill an elephant, but ph-balanced to kill several thousand virtually harmless insects.

Oh, and just for fun, this, from Clickhole: 10 things people with a spider on their face are tired of hearing.

So that was your something scary for the day. Now here’s an update on the reading challenge: I hate when people make excuses for why they don’t read more, so I’m not going to do that, but I’m finding it difficult to read more than a couple pages at a time. I think I’ll feel satisfied with myself –and more like a normal human being– if I can finish at least two books this month. We’re flying across the country to visit my parents soon, so I’m crossing my fingers that the flight will go smoothly, and that I’ll also have some leisure time during our stay (ie, time to ignore my children and do ME things like get into a scalding hot bath with a beer and a book and stay in there until the water gets cold).

Tomorrow, my thoughts on clowns! 

 

What’s your biggest irrational fear?

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Reading/blogging challenge day 3: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark! Because children’s books totally count, right?

I’m already cutting corners!

I’ve always liked being scared. (Actually, I just like anything I’m not supposed to do, and as a child, I guess scaring myself fell into that category.) I would beg my parents to let me watch scary movies and then I’d beg them to let me sleep with the lights on.

When I was 13 and visiting my grandparents, I read The Shining and stayed up until dawn because I was too terrified to sleep.

And I have a lot of fond (well, fond NOW) memories of the Scary Stories books keeping me up at night. I don’t remember what grade I was in when I bought the first book, but I do remember that I’d giggle and shriek over it with friends during the day, and then hide it in the back of my closet at night. Just seeing that ominous black binding on my bookshelf gave me a sense of dread.

The stories themselves are pretty basic. Urban legends and cautionary tales like The Babysitter and High Beams, that have been passed around for decades. What made them scary were the illustrations.

I’m not even going to post the scariest ones here because frankly I don’t want to have to look at them whenever I look at my blog.

For the purposes of this post (and also to meet my reading requirement for the day!) I reread some versions of these stories online. I no longer have my own copies of the books (apparently they were not among the cherished tomes my mother saw fit to save for my own kids), but you can read them (and see all the scary pictures!) at scaryforkids.com.

One of my favorites was The Girl Who Stood On a Grave, about a girl whose friends dare her to go into a graveyard at night. SPOILER ALERT! She dies.

OMG SCARY

I heard there’s going to be a movie based on the books, but I’m not really sure how that’s going to work. Either they plan to somehow incorporate the awesomely terrifying illustrations or else the movie is just going to capitalize on the popularity of the book title and it’s going to be about urban legends. Either way, it will probably be meh, because most scary movies these days are.

Do you like being scared? Do you think reading children’s books really counts as reading?

let’s do smartphoning!

Hi!

We finally bought smartphones this week which means I wrote this blog post while simultaneously playing candy crush and taking a dump. You’ll have to forgive me for any typos. (I don’t have a fucking copy editor, OKAY?)

Yeah, so Sprint finally forced us into smartphonedom and I’d say I feel like SUCH A GROWNUP except actually I feel more like a 14 year old. And also my grandma.

There’s so much shit on here and I don’t know how to use any of it, but I’m so excited to finally be a smartphone person!

I haven’t actually taken a lot of selfies yet because I spent the first 17 hours uninstalling all the useless crap they put on there. But THEN I installed Instagram. Except my username is not available! So I really need your help coming up with something fun and clever and brave and inspirational. Let’s make it a CHALLENGE. Pick my username and the winner gets a prize! Maybe.

What other “essential” apps should I have on my new phone?

highs and lows

Hi there!

So here are some April Fools Day posts I considered writing today:

• I’m running a marathon next week!
• My birth plan: a drug-free c-section at home in my bathtub!
• I got a job as a breast pump tester! {giveaway!}
• I got a job at Chobani!

But then I realized I don’t need April Fools as an excuse to write something stupid. Let’s talk about my workouts and some other shit instead!

Highs and lows

My low point last week was throwing up on Friday evening. I doubt it was pregnancy-related because I’ve never thrown up during a pregnancy (I always had endless nausea without any payoff). But I also didn’t have the fever, aches, or chills associated with a shit-virus. Weird.

I spent the next day recovering from barfing, because barfing is hard work, y’all!

The high point of my week was a gorgeous Sunday run outside. I was so psychotically, ridiculously thrilled for the warm weather that I didn’t even mind having to push the stroller or take walk breaks every five minutes. You’ve got to remind me about this feeling when it’s August and I’m bitching about the heat. We spent so many days and weeks stuck indoors, I felt like I’d been released from prison. In a totally first-world, never-been-to-prison kind of way.

I was worried about how Kenzie would tolerate the stroller since she hasn’t been in it for almost six months, but she was fantastic. She ate Cheerios and talked to me and didn’t scream or throw stuff or anything! It took me about 40 minutes to do 3.3 miles, and I would have loved to keep going. It seemed a shame to stop when my toddler was still so tranquil, but, reasons. (The longest I’ve ever pushed her in the jogger was seven miles, and it was because she fell asleep.)

Running in general has been going about the same for the last month or so. Since I scaled back and started taking walk breaks, I haven’t had any aches or soreness and I can usually run 3-4 times a week. Three miles is pretty much my max. I know this is what everybody says, but I’m just grateful that I’m still able to do workoutish things, and that I can still run.

Internet highs and lows/more on #motherrunnering

Alyssa wrote a fun #motherrunner Q&A post, and she has a great attitude about running while pregnant. Basically, you’re having a baby because you want to have a BABY, not because you want to be a badass #motherrunner. (Sorry, I can’t type that word without using the hastag. The HASHTAG is part of the spelling.) About racing while pregnant, she says:

…why would I pay and seek out more opportunities for exhaustion and possible failure? I really don’t see the point of getting up early on the weekends in the last few months before I subject myself to a lifetime of that, when I could just as easily do an afternoon workout on my own. Without a parking hassle and a bunch of people in my way.

And she included some more insight from Kara on pregnant workouts:

When I see pictures or read stories about people running marathons at 9 months of pregnancy or doing box jumps at Crossfit, I’m not impressed. I’m disgusted. Pregnancy isn’t a promise and you should treat it like a precious thing. Don’t spout of s&%$ like “Pregnancy isn’t a medical condition” or “I know what I’m doing” or even better “My doctor said I could do this.” You don’t know what you are doing (even the Duggar lady admits that each pregnancy is different and that bitch should know) and pregnancy IS a medical condition.

And for the low, selfies. If you have to take a picture of yourself every single goddamn time you do a workout, maybe you need to reanalyze your life choices. Nobody is impressed by that Instagram of your legs (strategically flexed to make you look more muscular!) on a stationary bike or your pregnant belly on the treadmill. 

Thoughts? What’s making you burst with joy or seethe with rage this week?

fluke

It’s weird. Sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I write a blog post I think is brilliant. I hit publish and wait expectantly for all the comments and praise to start pouring in and…

But when I angrily smash something out on my keyboard in 20 minutes, shut off the computer and go to bed, I wake up in the morning to find my blog has exploded.*

The other day this nice girl in the comments asked, how on earth did I just now find your blog? It’s because this only happens about once a year or so and every other post I write is garbage. Sorry about that.

I noticed some people have been bulldozing my archives this week (awkward!) so I  wanted to say hi.

I’m Marie and I’m another failed healthy living blogger. I discovered healthy living blogs in 2009 when a blogger who shall remain nameless appeared on my radar because of some dream job fuckery that was making headlines on the social media and marketing sites (marketing used to be my day job and now I guess it’s sort of my night job? That kind of makes me sound like a hooker but let’s just go with it).

I was recovering from a bad ankle sprain and had a gained a few pounds so it seemed like a good idea to sign up for a half marathon and blog about it. Because nobody else in the world was doing that.

NEAT, RIGHT?

TLJ does not think you are neat.

Some things about back then:

• I called myself “a pretty good runner” with a half marathon PR of 2:24. This is embarrassing for so many reasons but mostly because I now know there are a lot of 1:30 half marathoners who call themselves average.
• I signed up for a half marathon with no base and gave myself 10 weeks to train. Oh, and I smoked.
• I took pictures of oatmeal.
• I once blogged my grocery list in earnest.

At some point, it occurred to me, I feel stupid. This is stupid. These people are all stupid. 

At least stand by your dump.

So I tried to stop writing things that were stupid and I began to write things I enjoyed reading. I stopped taking pictures of food and just took pictures of beer (because, baby steps). It was probably around the time of Marie Claire-gate that I realized there were a whole lot of people like me who had become nauseated by healthy living bloggers and that all the acrid commentary swirling around inside my head might have a venue on this blog.

If you want, go ahead and read my entire archive, even the shitty stuff (because, page view$!). But if you want to read my better work, skip to 2011. One of my personal favorite posts that I don’t think has gotten nearly enough play is this one: If healthy living blogs had existed in…

Anyway, so for a while there I was funny, but then I had a baby.

When I was pregnant, I remember somebody in a GOMI thread saying, babies are blog killers! I was so indignant! I was all like, NOT MY BLOG! My blog’s gonna be even fucking awesomer when I have a baby!

Yeah well, we all know what happened.

DAMN YOU, BABY!

So I’ve scaled it back to once-a-week-or-so postings. I don’t want to stop blogging, and I don’t quite think I’ve become the Adam Sandler of obscure-beer-and-running-blogs yet, but you don’t ever know until it’s too late.

Please don’t let this be me.

I will say I think I have a couple good posts left in me before I reach 97% rotten status. And plus, there are so many obnoxious gifs I haven’t used yet.

*Relatively.